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He should have blue eyes, a sporty figure and please be funny and sensitive. The perfect boyfriend can now be conjured up very quickly with just a few clicks, at least virtually. AI can be used to create platonic or romantic relationships with a seemingly flawless counterpart – so happiness in love without any heartache?

AI friendships – what is that?

Artificial intelligence (AI) is increasingly becoming part of our everyday lives. As a search engine, practical support for everyday problems – and now also as a substitute for personal relationships. When chatting via Snapchat and WhatsApp, there are AI contacts in the address book with whom you can chat just like with a human counterpart. Apps such as Anima, Replika or Romantic AI go one step further. Here, artificial friends can be generated according to your own wishes. Users can design their own appearance and character via a selection menu and put together friends or romantic partners as they wish. The chatbots can be contacted at any time and users can write, speak and sometimes even make video calls with them.

What fascinates children and young people about “digital friends”?

A friend, exactly as you want it – for many adults, but also for children and young people, this sounds tempting. And at first glance, a self-generated chatbot has many supposed advantages: The chatbot is quick and easy to create and immediately ‘ready for action’ – much faster than a friendship or romantic relationship can be established in real life. An AI bot is always available, always has time, a sympathetic ear and seems to understand (almost) everything. Unlike real friends or partners, the bot never gets annoyed, bored, jealous or angry, but is exactly the counterpart we dream of.

Especially when children and young people are going through phases of loneliness, conflicts, problems or even psychological lows, chatbots may even be able to offer helpful answers and support – which is why some people are already working on using AI as an adjunct in psychotherapy. The visual design and verbal contact options can make the exchange feel very real and human and convey a good feeling similar to that of a friendship.

Why is caution advisable?

Nevertheless, it is not a good idea to replace interpersonal relationships with AI friendships and relationships in the future. After all, the seemingly perfect counterparts have limits – as well as pitfalls. For example, it initially seems tempting to have someone to listen to who never disagrees or expresses their own needs. However, the genuine, empathetic exchange and personality that characterize other people is quickly missing. There are also other critical points:

AI chatbots are language models and generate their answers to personal questions from data. This can sometimes include good tips – but it can also completely miss the point, be wrong, inappropriate or even harmful. Precisely because the bot cannot read ‘between the lines’ like a human and has often not been trained in an age-appropriate manner, it cannot always respond appropriately. Sometimes this makes the situation worse instead of better.
If you spend too much time just dealing with an AI chatbot, you can forget how to deal with real criticism and debate. Chatbots can be trained to always be polite and not disagree. This can lead to children and young people being encouraged to think negative thoughts at all times – and potentially increase their own loneliness.
Particular caution is required in the case of romantic relationships via AI bots: young children and adolescents in particular can be confronted with sexual and pornographic content that is not age-appropriate or even be asked to send their own nude photos, which can be disturbing.
And finally, chatbots always have a financial interest, of course. They want to collect data and earn money from the apparent relationship.

What should parents pay attention to?

Talk to your child about these problematic topics and consider together which situations and topics an AI bot might be a good contact for – but also where there is a limit beyond which the ‘relationship’ becomes problematic. Make it clear to your child that security and data protection are important and that they have a right to them. Together, make sure that you do not disclose any personal data. Help your child to discover, build and maintain real friendships. Encourage your child to contact you at any time if they have any uncertainties or problems.