Perhaps you’re familiar with this concern: Who is my child messaging? What pictures is my child posting? Is my child being insulted, bullied, or excluded online? The desire to check is understandable. Nevertheless, children have a right to privacy —even on their smartphones.
Article 16 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child protects children from arbitrary or unlawful interference with their privacy and correspondence. Today, this also includes cell phones, social media profiles, and chats. Secretly reading messages on messaging apps, viewing private photos, or logging into a child’s social media accounts without their knowledge should therefore under no circumstances be part of normal parenting practices.
The appropriate level of supervision depends on your child’s age and stage of development, as well as their media experience and level of independence. When your child gets their first smartphone, review the settings and contacts together with them. Work together to establish clear media rules and define consequences for breaking them. Also, in consultation with your child, use technical parental control solutions. As your child gets older, you should give them more responsibility and adjust the settings and rules accordingly. Show interest and have your child explain their favorite apps to you. Ask what they like about them, what annoys them, and whether they’ve ever experienced any unpleasant situations.
Review profiles and privacy settings only together. Is your child’s account set to private? Who is allowed to send messages, comment on posts, or see their location? What should you do if there’s conflict in the class chat? Does your child know how to block and report contacts? These kinds of conversations offer better protection than regular monitoring without a specific reason. Agree in advance on what you’re allowed to view, in what situations, and why. Secretly checking your child’s phone can lead them to hide problems from you.
WhatsApp and Signal do not (yet) offer parental controls; all messages are end-to-end encrypted. Review the privacy settings together and practice with your child how to block or report unknown contacts. On Snapchat, the “Family Center” shows friends and recently used contacts, but not the content of private conversations. Instagram offers teen accounts and parental controls with safety and time limits. On TikTok, parents can use“Guided Mode”to restrict screen time, visibility, messages, and contacts. Many gaming apps and gaming platforms also offer parental controls that allow you to limit playtime, in-app purchases, chats, friend requests, and contacts. It’s important to remember that while these settings can support open communication, they are no substitute for it.
The right to privacy doesn’t mean you have to turn a blind eye to a serious danger. Keep an eye on your child and maintain an open dialogue with them. You can find conversation starters about media use, for example, at klicksafe and the Amadeu Antonio Foundation. If there are specific indications of cybergrooming, blackmail, bullying, or other risks, it may be necessary to take a limited look at your child’s smartphone. If possible, explain to your child beforehand what you’re checking and why. Save evidence, block and report accounts, and, if necessary, seek help from a counseling center or the police.
Check in regularly to see how your child is doing with their media use and if there’s anything that’s making them feel uneasy. If your child knows they won’t immediately face punishment or have their cell phone taken away, they’ll be more likely to turn to you when they’re having trouble. This relationship of trust provides better protection in the long run than secretly monitoring them.
Can’t find an answer to your question? Ask your specific questions about your child’s media use directly and conveniently via the Messenger service on WhatsApp or Threema. You can find more information here.
