Imagine this: Your child is sitting on the couch, scrolling through TikTok. Suddenly, they pause, watch a video for a little longer, and grin. You ask what’s so funny. “She’s just so likable,” your child says, showing you the video. In it, a young woman is putting on makeup and casually recounts an embarrassing experience at school. Nothing seems contrived or perfect. That’s exactly what makes the clip so believable. What looks like a spontaneous moment here, however, is often carefully planned.
Perfectly curated social media feeds that showcase a seemingly perfect life are still around. Today, however, many users want less glossy content and more everyday life. That’s why videos that look as unplanned and authentic as possible are now the most successful on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube. A current example is the so-calledBTW (by the way)trend. Formats like “Get Ready With Me” (GRWM), “Day in My Life,” and vlogs also follow this principle. Influencers share stories about their daily lives, talk about self-doubt or a bad day, and come across as particularly relatable as a result. Many of these formats seem as though they’re casually sharing snippets of everyday life. This creates the impression that you’re simply tagging along with someone through their day. Behind the scenes, however, careful consideration goes into which scenes are shown and which are not. What appears spontaneous is rarely a coincidence. Even minor mishaps or casual conversations are sometimes intentionally left in the video.
The fact that these formats are parodied themselves shows just how quickly trends evolve on social media. Some influencers deliberately exaggerate the style to poke fun at the trend. For example, they might put on makeup and suddenly start talking about topics you wouldn’t expect to see in a video like that. What began as a counter-movement to perfectly staged content can once again become part of a new form of staging. That doesn’t mean, however, that these stories are made up. Many influencers actually share stories from their own lives. However, they decide for themselves what to show and what to keep private. This creates an image that seems credible, even though it always shows only a selected snapshot.
For many influencers, coming across as authentic as possible has become a key to success. This often fosters a close bond with their community, which in turn benefits future collaborations and product recommendations.
Children and teens want to feel like they belong and are looking for guidance. That’s why they’re often receptive to influencers who speak openly about their daily lives, insecurities, or mistakes. Many see themselves reflected in these stories. Over time, children and teens come to feel as though they truly know this person. Experts refer to this as a parasocial relationship. As a result, recommendations come across more like advice from a trusted friend than like advertising.
When influencers speak openly about mistakes or admit that something went wrong, it can be a relief to many children and teenagers. Nevertheless, even this openness remains part of a deliberate image-building strategy.
The more personal content seems, the easier it is to get the impression that you truly know a person’s life. In reality, however, children and teenagers see only a select glimpse of it.
On top of that, advertising today is virtually indistinguishable from personal stories. A product recommendation can easily come across as honest advice. That is precisely why it often influences purchasing decisions more strongly than traditional advertising.
Comparing oneself to others also plays a role. Even videos that look particularly natural are often carefully crafted. Lighting, camera work, and editing ensure that everything looks cohesive. This can easily give the impression that even imperfections have to look good.
The platforms’ algorithms amplify this effect. People who watch a lot of these videos are shown more and more similar content by the platforms. This quickly creates the impression that everyone is presenting their lives in this way.
You don’t have to know every trend to support your child. What’s more important is showing interest. Ask your child to explain which influencers they like to watch and what they like about them. Watch individual videos together. As you do, you’ll notice for yourself how genuine and spontaneous a video seems, even though there are many decisions behind the scenes. Questions like “Why does this seem so real?” or “What aren’t we actually seeing here?” help you make sense of the content more consciously.
Advertising is also a good topic of conversation. Think together about how you can tell whether someone is making money from a post or simply wants to recommend a product. Also ask your child why a video was posted and what its intended purpose is. Recognizing these strategies makes it easier to critically evaluate content.
If your child frequently talks about someone on social media, that’s not unusual at first. Use this enthusiasm as a starting point for a conversation. Talk about why some influencers feel almost like friends, even though the relationship is one-sided.
Social media doesn’t have to be a problem. If you understand how connection and trust are built, you can better contextualize content and more easily recognize that seemingly spontaneous moments are often the result of deliberate decisions.
