Especially adolescents in puberty want to discover their own sexuality, try themselves out and test how they affect other people. This also happens in the digital space via messenger or social network. We explain what sexting is and what you should watch out for.
So sexting means sending erotic messages, revealing pictures or videos, like pictures in shorts, swimsuit or being completely topless. In doing so, you want to put yourself in the scene as sexy as possible in order to appear attractive to your counterpart. By the way, sexting is not a phenomenon that occurs only among young people. On the contrary, adults send such pictures much more often.
Basically, sexting is not a bad thing: it can be a proof of love, an attempt to impress your crush or simply testing your own impact. However, a fundamental problem arises: relationships between people change. Trust is not always a given. You can’t know what will happen to your own images. For example, images that were sent consensually and in confidence may then be forwarded to others without being asked or without consent.
So sexting itself is not bad, but the misuse of the images by other people is the problem – and can also be punishable. Young people whose images are used are the victims in this case. They are not to be condemned at all.
Educate your child about sexting. Speak frankly and respect privacy yourself of your child. In this way, you can support your child in using digital media safely and responsibly. Help your child develop healthy self-esteem and encourage him or her to confide in an adult if he or she has been harassed, threatened, or a victim of sexting abuse. If this ever happens: Help your child report the abuse and have the relevant material deleted, Explain to your child that he or she did nothing wrong. At www.safer-sexting.de you and your child can get extensive information about what is allowed when sexting, what to watch out for, what to urgently refrain from and where to get support.
Who am I, what makes me, where do I want to go? For children and young people, these are the central questions of their lives. Today, they are increasingly looking for orientation and identification figures online – also because it is often easier to find information, understanding and like-minded people on the net.
Many things happen in adolescence: the body changes, opinions and values are formed, friendships develop or end, one’s own sexuality is discovered. It is not easy to manage all this. It is particularly challenging for those whose identity does not conform to the social norms of their social environment. Especially queer young people often find it difficult to discover their own identity and to live it out openly. Because they still have to fear prejudice, rejection or conflict. The search for role models, like-minded people or simply an unprejudiced peer group leads many to the Internet. Because there is an LGBTQIA+ community here that is hard to find offline in many places.
LGBTQIA+ is an acronym that has its origins in the United States in the 1980s and has spread and evolved since then. The letters stand for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual/Transgender, Queer, Intersexual and Asexual. So basically, all expressions of gender and sexuality that are non-binary (two genders) and heterosexual are subsumed here. The plus at the end of the abbreviation means: The list is neither conclusive nor exclusive. Any sexuality is fine and welcome, no one is excluded. The acronym was formed to have an appreciative term for people of all sexual and gender expressions to protect them from discrimination. The visual sign of the community is the rainbow flag.
Young people who belong to the LGBTQIA+ community or are not yet sure of their identity often search for information or contacts online. Many are still afraid of coming out to their family or peer group. On the Internet, on the other hand, it can provide protected and anonymous spaces. Here, young people can inform themselves and learn in the first place what gender identities and sexual orientations there are. Young people find role models in social networks, forums or on corresponding sites. They can exchange ideas with others and also try out their own orientation. Many points of contact that can help with questions or problems are represented online. But also films, magazines or simply associations of the LGBTQIA+ community can help young people in their search for their own identity.
But not everything is problem-free online either. Here, too, there is hatred and bullying, and young people can end up with dubious information providers or dubious contacts. It is therefore important that children and young people learn early on how to protect themselves online: Private data should only be disclosed if the other party is definitely trustworthy. Children must learn to distinguish serious from unserious sites. And when hate or bullying occurs, children and young people should know how to fight back.
The most important thing for you as a parent is to lovingly and openly accompany your child as he or she grows up. After all, if children are able to deal openly with their questions and issues offline and have confidants to accompany them on their journey, the Internet can be a valuable supplement rather than a (clandestine) escape.
More information as well as good tips for safe surfing can be found on the following pages:
Erotic media content or even porn is actually not for children and teenagers. But because they are curious and want to test their limits, Internet services such as OnlyFans can be exciting from adolescence onward.
On the website OnlyFans users can more or less view photos and videos of other users. Among them are also erotic and pornographic contents, which, however, are shown only after payment.
Unlike other social media platforms such as Facebook or Instagram, OnlyFans is not financed by advertising. Instead, users pay a monthly subscription fee or a one-time “pay-per-view” for content from individual providers (known as creators) – which can be videos, photos or music. It’s about Creator responding to the wishes of their fans and also revealing personal things. Sexual content does not violate the terms of use on the site, and so money can be earned with revealing appearances.
There is content of all kinds on the platform. German celebrities have also discovered OnlyFans as a source of income. So, for $5 a month, you get a subscription to German rapper Fler. This is also very popular with young people. What he offers on OnlyFans, he keeps secret so far. For young fans, this can lead to the desire to become active on OnlyFans as well, so as not to miss anything.
Children and young people also come into contact with the site through Internet stars they follow on YouTube or Instagram. Increasingly, they also offer their content on OnlyFans and advertise it on their other channels. The site now seems to be so relevant to the younger target group that even Bravo writes about it .
Although the site can be used officially only from 18 years, registration is possible without age verification. Only if you want to share content yourself, you have to prove that you are of age. So kids and teens can sign up on OnlyFans, follow other users, and even write private messages. If they have access to a credit card, they can even get into the paid area.
Since more and more celebrities and influencers are also active on the platform, children and young people can become aware of OnlyFans through them via other channels.
There is also harmless content on OnlyFans. But the proximity to erotic and pornographic content makes it possible for children and young people to come into contact with content that is unsuitable for them. There are also sites circulating on the Internet that allegedly allow you to use OnlyFans ‘ paid content without paying or using a credit card.
Talk openly with your child about which social media platforms they are on and what they are doing there. It may encounter content that is not yet appropriate for its age, such as OnlyFans. Address the dangers and risks and explain factually why such sites are unsuitable.
Older teenagers in particular want to learn about their sexuality and use erotic content from the Internet to do so. This is quite natural, but can also lead to problems. Read more in our article “Help, my child watches porn!“. If your child has already come into contact with erotic or pornographic content on the site, you should also discuss this together. Allow your child to ask questions or admit when he or she is overwhelmed. If you feel you can’t help your child at home, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. One place to start may be school psychologists. A wide range of counseling services for children, adolescents and parents is also offered by the Nummer-gegen-Kummer (number against grief).
Clearly, you know your child’s friends from school or the sports club. But what about acquaintances with whom your child has contact only via the Internet? Wherever children and young people communicate with each other, they can come into contact with people who have negative intentions.
Portals like Instagram or TikTok, where children and young people like to hang out, also attract users with pedo-criminal tendencies. This is criminal behavior directed at children and is of great concern to many parents. Adults or perpetrators may approach children with the goal of sexually harassing or even abusing them. This targeted approach on the net is called cybergrooming.
The perpetrators take different approaches: They ask very specifically about the child’s or adolescent’s sexual experiences or they publicly describe their sexual preferences. Some gradually worm their way into the child’s trust by pretending to be a peer or taking on the role of a talent scout. Subsequently, the exchange of messages can shift to private spaces, e.g., via individual messages on WhatsApp. This is especially problematic because others cannot see this private chat. There, the perpetrators try to build trust, which is later exploited, for example by asking for nude pictures of the child. With this, the child can be blackmailed later. There is a threat to publish the pictures if more photos are not sent. Or the person may even try to date the child or youth in person.
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When one’s child grows up and lives relationship, sexting also occurs. Media educator Björn Schreiber explains what this is and what your child should be aware of.
