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Whether via search engines, messengers or social media – many children and young people come into contact with pornographic content online at an early age, by chance and without intention as well as out of curiosity and interest. For parents, this can be frightening when they eventually realize that their child is watching porn. Why this is not abnormal, what pornographic content can be problematic and how you should deal with it, you will learn in this article.

Access to porn

While porn used to be found mainly in special stores or video stores and was only accessible to adults, it is now very easy to find it on the Internet. Besides, you won’t be seen and it doesn’t necessarily cost anything. This is not only true for adults. Children and adolescents develop their own sexuality during puberty at the latest. They are looking for guidance and role models. Since sex is often still a taboo subject, people like to seek the anonymity of the net. Here they can get smart unobserved before the sexuality is lived out with others. However, provocative nude pictures of men and women can suddenly pop up on the cell phone display quite unintentionally when your child actually just wants to watch a series, research for school online or write in the class chat.

Also on popular platforms such as
YouTube
and
Instagram
you can find photos and videos showing people with little clothing and in erotic poses. Such content is not pornography and is therefore available for all to view. However, they can still be unpleasant or even disturbing for some children, especially younger ones.

Protection from pornography

In Germany, youth media protection ensures that children and young people under the age of 18 are protected from content on the Internet that could endanger them or impair their development. Some content, e.g. violent pornography or depictions of the sexual abuse of children and young people, is generally prohibited for everyone!

Pornographic content in which sex is depicted in detail is permitted in Germany, but only for adults aged 18 and over. This means that access may only be possible after a secure age check. This is strictly checked for porn sites from Germany.

The situation is different for sites from other countries, some of whose porn content is freely accessible. Many platforms with pornographic content such as OnlyFans are not approved for minors. However, use is often possible by clicking on the “I am 18 years or older” button. However, large porn websites must now comply with the European Union’s Digital Services Act and implement much stricter rules.

Why porn can be problematic

Porn is particularly appealing to adolescents in puberty – also because it is forbidden. They are particularly susceptible to such stimuli and go in search of pornographic content or curiously click on the pages they happen to come across. Especially when the topic of sexuality is taboo at home and they don’t want to talk about it with their parents, they resort to what they find on the net. And that’s not necessarily age-appropriate.

The quick availability of such content can be particularly appealing when, for example, you’re just looking for a distraction or want to escape from your everyday problems. A habit can turn into addiction for some young people. Besides, watching porn regularly can develop ideas about sex that don’t have much to do with reality. Sex and pornography are equated with love and relationship. Some young people then expect their own love life to look the same. This also includes the development of your own body. This can stress teens out if they want to become sexually active themselves. Or the girlfriend or boyfriend is put under pressure to present himself or herself in the same way, film it and send the video. Voluntary and consensual sexting is okay, but the images must not be blackmailed or misused. You can learn more about sexting in our article about it.

What you should pay attention to as a parent

Sex is part of our lives. Do not make the topic taboo and always be open and willing to talk. Provide age-appropriate education when your child asks questions about love and sexuality. If you are unsure, get help, for example from the parents’ helpline of the Nummer gegen Kummer. We present further digital advice services for young people and parents in this article.

Accompany your child in their first steps on the Internet and explain to them that content can be encountered that is unpleasant. If certain pages appear unintentionally, your child should be able to talk to you about it. Younger children in particular must not be left alone with such experiences. They cannot properly categorize what they see because it has nothing to do with their own range of experience.

Please note the following points:

If your child is younger, give them access to age-appropriate content and let them surf the Internet using children’s search engines. This will reduce the likelihood that your child will come across content that is inappropriate for their age.
Use parental control programs and filter options on your browser, smartphone or tablet so that content harmful to minors is not displayed in the first place.
However, such technical settings can only ever provide support, as they do not offer one hundred percent protection against such content. It is much more important that your child knows that there is also such content on the net and knows ways to deal with it.
However, as children get older and enter puberty, they also need their space and don’t necessarily want to talk to their parents about the changes in their bodies. Older siblings can be good conversation partners. There are also sex education sites for young people online, such as Loveline or Liebesleben.
If you overhear your son or daughter watching porn, talk to him or her about it, but don’t judge your child. Make it clear to him that pornography is not realistic, but that someone has made up the “stories”, the bodies are professionally portrayed and the pleasure is staged. Talk to your child about ideals of beauty and role models.
Mere bans and filtering measures will not help, especially with young people. They find their ways to watch porn. If anything, bans have an even more appealing effect. Therefore, an open approach to the topic of sex is more effective.
Explain to your child what is and is not allowed when it comes to pornography. Show your child how to report prohibited content online, for example via a complaints office.