Bob the Builder and Ninjago, war movies and baller games. If you think of “boys’ media,” you quickly get a lot of clichés together. It’s about strength and struggle, toughness and winning, and classic images of masculinity.
But does this media offering really suit all boys? And how can you as a parent guide your son through the stereotypical media images towards individual development?
XX or XY: Our gender is the first drawer we are usually put into before we are born. For many people, the sex they are assigned according to chromosome and primary sex organs fits. But not for everyone. Some, for example, are non-binary or trans. And even those who feel comfortable as girls or boys do not automatically want to be associated with all stereotypes. For parents and educators, therefore, the following applies regardless of media use: taking a close look and keeping an open mind are important in order to see and accompany children individually. That’s why we use the asterisk to boys* in this text – to show that every form of gender identity is meant.
More information on the topic of queerness can be found in the book “Was ist eigentlich dieses LGTBQI*?” (What is this LGTBQI*? ), which is suitable for children, and at Kindersache from the German Children ‘s Fund (DKHW), as well as at the Queer Lexicon.
Boys* today grow up with media from the very beginning. As kindergarteners, they watch videos or listen to radio plays; in elementary school, smartphones and game consoles become interesting. It is striking that boys* often develop different interests and consume different content at a very early age than girls*. This is shown, for example, by the current KIM study. They are more interested in sitcoms or cartoons, show more interest in gaming and action than girls*, and usually look for male role models – initially characters like Fireman Sam or superheroes, later comedians, musicians or athletes. Often these are characters and individuals who embody very stereotypical images of men* as strong, tough guys with power, money, and little emotional accessibility.
There may be various reasons why boys* often like programs in which exaggerated, stereotypical images of masculinity are cultivated: Their own preference, pressure from their friendship group, or a lack of alternatives.
For many parents, this is a difficult situation. They wonder how much they should counteract the stereotypes; how to deal with issues like violence or sexism – and how much stereotyping is okay in the media in the first place.
Exaggerations and clichés are also means that young people in particular use to form their own opinions and identities based on these extreme depictions. They can help children and young people to try out identities, to reflect and to come to their own convictions.
Direct caregivers such as you as parents play an important role in this. By the way you yourself live your (gender) identity and which media you use, you help shape your child. Think about how you yourself talk about girls* and boys* and what gender stereotypes are present in your life.
Especially in the uncertain phase of self-discovery, it is important for adolescent boys* to find open and loving partners in their parents. Engage in conversation with your child about stereotypes portrayed in the media. Offer your child alternatives to diverse media outlets and guide your child in finding his or her own gender identity by looking for different and diverse role models together.
If boys* can grow up with supportive, reflective adults and diverse offers – also in social media – it is easier for them to find an individual and good way of dealing with masculinity* and clichés for themselves.
At TikTok, Instagram and the like, anyone can join in the conversation, share photos, videos or anything else with the world, and thus help shape social media. A wide variety of people and groups can thus become visible and make a strong case for their concerns.
Unfortunately, groups that are often discriminated against in the real world are also insulted and put down online. This can go as far as hate speech or cyberbullying. Some platforms can reinforce this – sometimes unintentionally – for example because they are not designed to be accessible. Accessible offers can also be used by people who, for example, cannot read well or cannot see, because there is a read-aloud function for texts or image descriptions.
If providers automatically filter out certain content, not every user can see it – this can also be discriminatory. Such filtering existed in the past at TikTok, among others – but was withdrawn after protests.
On the other hand, many people only have the opportunity to draw attention to themselves and their concerns through social media: Activists campaign online for the rights of disabled people or make it clear that they are against racism. For example, many people have blacked out their social media profile pictures to make a statement against police violence against people of color in the U.S. and against racial hatred around the world.
In media, whether in social media, television or magazines, a classic image of genders, families, etc. prevails. This already starts with the choice of topics: Girls’ and women’s accounts are primarily about fashion and beauty, decoration or nutrition. Male influencers, on the other hand, deal with more topics and genres from the areas of society, comedy, games or politics.Only if you specifically search for hashtags such as diversity or body positivity, you will also find other images. Young people who use social media on a daily basis have more traditional role models of men and women or girls and boys in mind than young people who use Instagram, YouTube, etc. less.
Influencers contribute to this with their rather stereotypical self-portrayal. Most successful female influencers on Instagram are slim and long-haired. They have an important role model function for young people, which is why they imitate the appearance, gestures, facial expressions and poses of their idols. Often, for example, you see selfies with your hand casually resting in your hair. Girls who follow influencers edit their own images more than others and place greater emphasis on being slim. To align their own pictures with the posts of their role models, young people resort to filters and tricks, taking their cue from traditional beauty standards such as big breasts for girls and broad shoulders for boys.
To prevent your child from believing that he or she has to conform to these standardized images of beauty and roles, you should discuss alternatives together. Be careful not to devalue your child’s favorite Influencers, because they probably mean a lot to him. Instead, try to remain neutral. You can look together at the accounts of influencers who focus on diversity instead of stereotypical patterns and talk about similarities and differences to other profiles.
There is a lot of content on social media that shows the diversity of society – but you usually only come across it if you specifically search for it: On the Instagram channel whatsmakes_them_beautiful young people compliment each other and encourage each other to love themselves. At lebensmutigblog young people share experiences on the topic of inclusion and otherness. Under hashtags like #bodypositivity and #diversity, you can find a lot of content around the diversity of people. If you and your child follow such accounts and use these hashtags, you can contribute to more diversity on social media.
Children are exposed to violence in the media at an early age. It is not always portrayed brutally, but can also occur subliminally and rather humorously packaged, e.g. when in animated series one character hits another on the head and it gongs funny.
Media content that features action and violence seems to appeal more to boys than girls. The behavior of girls and boys is also sometimes perceived differently: Some think boys are naturally more impetuous and tend to resolve conflicts with violence.
Education and the media contribute to violence being more of an issue for boys. If boys are prone to violence – no matter how pronounced – it is perceived as less of a problem than with girls. Until a few decades ago, boys always had to be strong and should not show any feelings. Some people still think that today.
In the meantime, a change can be seen here: In many families, gender no longer plays a role in the selection of books, toys and media. Thus, what suits the character and interests of the child is selected. But there are still some families where it is normal that only boys get a bobby car or action figures to play with, while girls play with dolls. So it is then with media use. Boys may watch action-packed cartoons of superheroes at an early age, which some girls show no interest in.
Computer games that involve fighting others, such as Fortnite or GTA, are played more by boys than girls. They tend to prefer role-playing games like “The Sims” or colorful mobile games like “Candy Crush”. This is partly due to the characters in the game. You can read more about this in our article Computer games and the topic of gender.
When violent behavior is accepted among boys to some degree, they are less likely to learn how to resolve conflict in other ways. If social traits like being there for each other are rewarded, especially in girls, boys want to behave differently so as not to appear “girly.” For adults who have had such experiences in childhood, this can lead to social and sometimes psychological problems in dealing with their own feelings.
As a parent, you can help make sure your child grows up with fewer stereotypes. Pay conscious attention to your child’s behavior and support diverse role models through media choices. Actively seek out stories with alternative role models of girls and boys. From elementary school age, gender identity becomes increasingly important for a child. Therefore, it should receive a variety of offers for orientation in its development.
Do not leave fight scenes and unfair behavior in movies, series or books without comment. Talk about violence and make it clear to your child that this is not a desired behavior. Talk about why the behavior shown would be problematic in the real world. This allows them to better categorize the behavior exhibited.
In popular computer games like GTA or Fortnite, you have to fight virtually and use violence to win. Especially boys and men like such games and you would not call them “girls games”. Many games promote stereotypes and prejudices about men or women.
In games such as Grand Theft Auto or Star Stable, typical gender roles are served. Male characters are portrayed strong, brave and heroic. Female characters are mostly emotional and have a gentle character. Girls or women are often only supporting roles in the story of a game. In the process, they are often reduced to their appearance. Extremely short skirts and large breasts contribute to the fact that they are considered sexual objects. If there are female characters in a game and you want to design their appearance before the game starts and adapt it to your own ideas, the possibilities are very limited and always correspond to supposedly valid beauty ideals.
In many games, female characters also take on the role of victims: for example, they are the princess who must be rescued. It is much rarer to have female characters as main characters or even women as heroines of a game. Very famous became the character Lara Croft, but in the game she is portrayed very sexist.
The game Star Stable is about horse riding. Only female characters can be created, which excludes boys from the outset. Instead, it promotes the stereotype that riding is strictly a girl’s thing. The female characters are all stereotypically portrayed. Even if it is positive that a gaming offer recognizes girls as computer game fans, the game is discriminatory.
Overall, women or girls barely feature in gaming culture, even though nearly half of all gamers are female. Female gamers are even often confronted with sexist and misogynistic comments in online games, gaming forums or YouTube comments. When girls play, their skills are often devalued. Comments against other sexual orientations such as homosexuality are also not uncommon.
The predominantly stereotypical portrayal of female characters, as well as male characters, reinforces sexism and expectations of certain gender roles. It has the same effect if female or male roles are simply omitted.
In this context, children and young people take their cues from the media – including games – when it comes to behavior and opinions. Young people can put themselves in different roles when playing games, try things out and communicate with others. For example, boys can also take on the role of a woman or a girl, and girls can take on the roles of a man or a boy.
Categorizing games as boy’s or girl’s games is obstructive. Regardless of gender, your child should be allowed to play any game that interests them. Of course, you should still pay attention to the age classification. Encourage your daughter to play games that are supposedly for boys if she wants to – and vice versa.
Use the occasion to talk with your child about role expectations and images. Encourage it to try different roles in the game than the usual ones. If your son or daughter communicates with other gamers during a game, it can also lead to unpleasant reactions with fellow gamers. Talk to your child about hate speech and support them in standing up for respect and fairness and taking a stand against name-calling.
