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Friendships are an important part of the lives of children and young people. At some point, they fall in love for the first time. Then a chat on WhatsApp suddenly turns into something more or a contact on Instagram becomes particularly exciting. Many young people today flirt digitally – with known contacts or new acquaintances. They use the usual social media platforms and messengers, but also special apps. We show what parents should know.

Which apps do young people use to flirt and get to know each other?

Young people usually start on platforms that they already use every day: WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat or TikTok. These apps are used for writing, responding, posting – and also for flirting. People follow each other, respond to stories or pictures, send voice messages or emojis. This can quickly turn friendship into something more.

From around the age of 15, some young people are also interested in dating apps. However, the selection of apps specifically for teenagers is limited – and often problematic:

Yubo (12 to 17 years): Officially a social app, but is often used like a dating app. It has a swipe function like Tinder.
MyLOL (13 to 19 years): A teen dating app, but without safe age verification. The app is only available in the Apple App Store, which limits its distribution somewhat.
Skout: Also with a dating function. In the Apple App Store, it is approved from the age of 17, in the Google Play Store only from 18 (USK IARC). There is no reliable age verification.

Adult dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Lovoo or queer-friendly apps such as OKCupid are not permitted for young people (minimum age according to the terms and conditions is usually 18). Nevertheless, minors can also be found there, usually without age verification by the providers. The playful functionality (profile picture + swipe) is particularly appealing to young users.

What can be problematic?

It is easy to present yourself differently or provide false information online. Especially when getting to know someone via apps or social networks, there is a risk that:

the other person is not who they say they are;
cybergrooming occurs (adults who deliberately initiate sexual contact with minors);
young people are pressured into sexting (sending revealing pictures or texts);
inappropriate images are distributed or forwarded against the will(sextortion, cyberbullying);
there is psychological pressure, insults or hate speech.

Superficial evaluation via the swipe function can have a negative impact on self-esteem. This is a particularly sensitive issue in the teenage years.

What should parents pay attention to?

When talking to your child, remain open, trusting and non-accusatory. It is important to develop rules and knowledge together:

Talk about risks: Explain why it can be dangerous to send private pictures or meet up with strangers.
Go through apps together: Take a look at the apps’ privacy settings and disable location sharing, for example.
Set boundaries: Do not meet up with strangers without consulting them. If in doubt, make a phone call beforehand. Or accompany your child in the background.
Practice safe behavior: Public places for meetings, during the day, an adult should know. If in doubt: plan together!
Trust instead of control: regularly ask which apps your child uses and what happens there. Please continue to respect your child’s right to privacy. Agree on rules instead of secretly controlling.