Bob the Builder and Ninjago, war movies and baller games. If you think of “boys’ media,” you quickly get a lot of clichés together. It’s about strength and struggle, toughness and winning, and classic images of masculinity.
But does this media offering really suit all boys? And how can you as a parent guide your son through the stereotypical media images towards individual development?
XX or XY: Our gender is the first drawer we are usually put into before we are born. For many people, the sex they are assigned according to chromosome and primary sex organs fits. But not for everyone. Some, for example, are non-binary or trans. And even those who feel comfortable as girls or boys do not automatically want to be associated with all stereotypes. For parents and educators, therefore, the following applies regardless of media use: taking a close look and keeping an open mind are important in order to see and accompany children individually. That’s why we use the asterisk to boys* in this text – to show that every form of gender identity is meant.
More information on the topic of queerness can be found in the book “Was ist eigentlich dieses LGTBQI*?” (What is this LGTBQI*? ), which is suitable for children, and at Kindersache from the German Children ‘s Fund (DKHW), as well as at the Queer Lexicon.
Boys* today grow up with media from the very beginning. As kindergarteners, they watch videos or listen to radio plays; in elementary school, smartphones and game consoles become interesting. It is striking that boys* often develop different interests and consume different content at a very early age than girls*. This is shown, for example, by the current KIM study. They are more interested in sitcoms or cartoons, show more interest in gaming and action than girls*, and usually look for male role models – initially characters like Fireman Sam or superheroes, later comedians, musicians or athletes. Often these are characters and individuals who embody very stereotypical images of men* as strong, tough guys with power, money, and little emotional accessibility.
There may be various reasons why boys* often like programs in which exaggerated, stereotypical images of masculinity are cultivated: Their own preference, pressure from their friendship group, or a lack of alternatives.
For many parents, this is a difficult situation. They wonder how much they should counteract the stereotypes; how to deal with issues like violence or sexism – and how much stereotyping is okay in the media in the first place.
Exaggerations and clichés are also means that young people in particular use to form their own opinions and identities based on these extreme depictions. They can help children and young people to try out identities, to reflect and to come to their own convictions.
Direct caregivers such as you as parents play an important role in this. By the way you yourself live your (gender) identity and which media you use, you help shape your child. Think about how you yourself talk about girls* and boys* and what gender stereotypes are present in your life.
Especially in the uncertain phase of self-discovery, it is important for adolescent boys* to find open and loving partners in their parents. Engage in conversation with your child about stereotypes portrayed in the media. Offer your child alternatives to diverse media outlets and guide your child in finding his or her own gender identity by looking for different and diverse role models together.
If boys* can grow up with supportive, reflective adults and diverse offers – also in social media – it is easier for them to find an individual and good way of dealing with masculinity* and clichés for themselves.
At Instagram and especially on the platform TikTok young people repeatedly use the hashtag #egirl or #eboy for certain video clips. There you can see, for example, how a girl transforms into a so-called e-girl. But what is behind it and what meaning does the term have for young people?
The “E” stands for electronic and refers to the generation of young people who have grown up primarily in a digital world. They use online media and move around on social media platforms such as TikTok, Instagram or YouTube. E-girl or e-boy refers to a certain style of presenting oneself and looking. Often, e-girls wear black clothes and eye-catching makeup, such as painted freckles and hearts on their cheeks. Some of the e-boys also style themselves with light makeup or nail polish, and some wear center partings and jewelry. E-boys set themselves apart from the typical image of masculinity. They smile or wink sweetly at the camera and don’t want to appear tough.
Unlike other influencers and fitness bloggers, e-girls and e-boys don’t pose in well-known places or with the perfect beach figure, but usually in their own room. At the same time do not take themselves so seriously. Some of them are just dressed up for the video clip on TikTok, as an e-girl or e-boy, and wouldn’t walk around so conspicuously in school. They use the Internet to try things out.
It is problematic when girls or boys imitate certain characteristics without understanding what is meant by them. There are typical poses of e-girls or e-boys that seem strongly sexualized, even if they are meant ironically. The danger of cybergrooming or abuse of the content by criminals is increased by posting such videos.
The term “e-girl” is sometimes used pejoratively to refer to girls or women in the gaming scene. They show up playing via a stream, as do many male players. But they are more often accused of doing it just for clicks and attention, and of putting on particularly flashy makeup and clothes to do so. We have explained the problematic relationship of gender roles in gaming in more detail in another post: Computer games and the issue of Gender.
Children and young people are still in the process of forming their own personalities. In doing so, they take their cue from others. They find role models in family, friends, the media and elsewhere. At the same time, they want to set themselves apart and be individual. Youth cultures like the e-girl scene are exciting because they are probably different from their usual environment.
Give your child the space to develop, invent, and try things out, but don’t lose touch. This is a balancing act, especially for adolescents going through puberty. Encourage your child’s interests and personal strengths so that he or she can develop freely. Exchange ideas with him about youth cultures and trends. When you were young, did you also dress a certain way to feel like you belonged to a certain group? Did you identify with pride about that or did you find it rather silly to be put into a category?
Whether in books, films or television – children learn role models through the media. This means that through books, series, audio stories, etc., they get an early idea of what girls or boys and families are supposed to be typically like. Often, classic images of strong heroes and princesses are used. Children orient themselves to these role models in order to develop their own personality.
Children identify with characters they like. Around the end of primary school age, gender becomes increasingly important for children’s identity. But as soon as you enter a bookstore, separate book tables convey that boys and girls are fundamentally different.
In German children’s television, there are many more male characters than female ones. Especially animal figures or fantasy creatures are less often female. It is particularly striking that female figures often show unattainable ideals of beauty. The body proportions of Barbie and co. have little to do with human girl or woman bodies. This unrealistic image of female roles conveyed at an early age can lead to great insecurities with one’s own body, especially among girls. Child rearing and household chores are also mostly assigned to women’s roles on television. Male figures are more likely to be seen working outside the family.
In many picture books, a family consists of a woman, a man and a child. In general, fathers often appear in them only as minor characters or not at all. Yet the classic mother-father-child model, in which the mother takes care of the children and the father goes to work, is only one family type among many today. Many children have several caregivers who look after them. This includes, for example, the new partners of the (separated) parents. Same-sex couples with children are also often not depicted in children’s media. And where do the adults who are not in a partnership but still like to take care of their friends’ or family members’ children actually come in?
Professions are an exciting topic for children. Because they help them imagine and shape their future. In doing so, girls and boys take their cue from the professions that men and women have in the stories that their parents read to them or that they see on television. Traditional gender roles in occupations are also portrayed in children’s media. Work involving children and care is more often assigned to women’s roles. They are shown as nurses, teachers or educators, while men are the strong firefighters or have prestigious professions, such as pilots or doctors. Yet the career field for men and women is much more colorful today: Dad can also look after the kids for a while as a househusband, while mom works as a scientist. Due to technical progress, there are many more professions than you see in children’s books or series. Children’s media should also explain what mom and dad actually do all day in the office or at the computer in the home office.
Girls and boys need different role models. A diverse range of children’s media offers children various models for orientation. The little girl in pink does not have to be wrong, but just not always and everywhere the same. Stories that break down typical role models help your child accept themselves for who they are and be tolerant and respectful of others. Classify any questionable gender portrayals by addressing and challenging them.
We have compiled some media tips for you that depict diversity of media characters and no gender stereotypes:
If you want to know more about gender in children’s media, we recommend this parent brochure on dealing with gender roles.
Children are exposed to violence in the media at an early age. It is not always portrayed brutally, but can also occur subliminally and rather humorously packaged, e.g. when in animated series one character hits another on the head and it gongs funny.
Media content that features action and violence seems to appeal more to boys than girls. The behavior of girls and boys is also sometimes perceived differently: Some think boys are naturally more impetuous and tend to resolve conflicts with violence.
Education and the media contribute to violence being more of an issue for boys. If boys are prone to violence – no matter how pronounced – it is perceived as less of a problem than with girls. Until a few decades ago, boys always had to be strong and should not show any feelings. Some people still think that today.
In the meantime, a change can be seen here: In many families, gender no longer plays a role in the selection of books, toys and media. Thus, what suits the character and interests of the child is selected. But there are still some families where it is normal that only boys get a bobby car or action figures to play with, while girls play with dolls. So it is then with media use. Boys may watch action-packed cartoons of superheroes at an early age, which some girls show no interest in.
Computer games that involve fighting others, such as Fortnite or GTA, are played more by boys than girls. They tend to prefer role-playing games like “The Sims” or colorful mobile games like “Candy Crush”. This is partly due to the characters in the game. You can read more about this in our article Computer games and the topic of gender.
When violent behavior is accepted among boys to some degree, they are less likely to learn how to resolve conflict in other ways. If social traits like being there for each other are rewarded, especially in girls, boys want to behave differently so as not to appear “girly.” For adults who have had such experiences in childhood, this can lead to social and sometimes psychological problems in dealing with their own feelings.
As a parent, you can help make sure your child grows up with fewer stereotypes. Pay conscious attention to your child’s behavior and support diverse role models through media choices. Actively seek out stories with alternative role models of girls and boys. From elementary school age, gender identity becomes increasingly important for a child. Therefore, it should receive a variety of offers for orientation in its development.
Do not leave fight scenes and unfair behavior in movies, series or books without comment. Talk about violence and make it clear to your child that this is not a desired behavior. Talk about why the behavior shown would be problematic in the real world. This allows them to better categorize the behavior exhibited.
In popular computer games like GTA or Fortnite, you have to fight virtually and use violence to win. Especially boys and men like such games and you would not call them “girls games”. Many games promote stereotypes and prejudices about men or women.
In games such as Grand Theft Auto or Star Stable, typical gender roles are served. Male characters are portrayed strong, brave and heroic. Female characters are mostly emotional and have a gentle character. Girls or women are often only supporting roles in the story of a game. In the process, they are often reduced to their appearance. Extremely short skirts and large breasts contribute to the fact that they are considered sexual objects. If there are female characters in a game and you want to design their appearance before the game starts and adapt it to your own ideas, the possibilities are very limited and always correspond to supposedly valid beauty ideals.
In many games, female characters also take on the role of victims: for example, they are the princess who must be rescued. It is much rarer to have female characters as main characters or even women as heroines of a game. Very famous became the character Lara Croft, but in the game she is portrayed very sexist.
The game Star Stable is about horse riding. Only female characters can be created, which excludes boys from the outset. Instead, it promotes the stereotype that riding is strictly a girl’s thing. The female characters are all stereotypically portrayed. Even if it is positive that a gaming offer recognizes girls as computer game fans, the game is discriminatory.
Overall, women or girls barely feature in gaming culture, even though nearly half of all gamers are female. Female gamers are even often confronted with sexist and misogynistic comments in online games, gaming forums or YouTube comments. When girls play, their skills are often devalued. Comments against other sexual orientations such as homosexuality are also not uncommon.
The predominantly stereotypical portrayal of female characters, as well as male characters, reinforces sexism and expectations of certain gender roles. It has the same effect if female or male roles are simply omitted.
In this context, children and young people take their cues from the media – including games – when it comes to behavior and opinions. Young people can put themselves in different roles when playing games, try things out and communicate with others. For example, boys can also take on the role of a woman or a girl, and girls can take on the roles of a man or a boy.
Categorizing games as boy’s or girl’s games is obstructive. Regardless of gender, your child should be allowed to play any game that interests them. Of course, you should still pay attention to the age classification. Encourage your daughter to play games that are supposedly for boys if she wants to – and vice versa.
Use the occasion to talk with your child about role expectations and images. Encourage it to try different roles in the game than the usual ones. If your son or daughter communicates with other gamers during a game, it can also lead to unpleasant reactions with fellow gamers. Talk to your child about hate speech and support them in standing up for respect and fairness and taking a stand against name-calling.
