Especially adolescents in puberty want to discover their own sexuality, try themselves out and test how they affect other people. This also happens in the digital space via messenger or social network. We explain what sexting is and what you should watch out for.
So sexting means sending erotic messages, revealing pictures or videos, like pictures in shorts, swimsuit or being completely topless. In doing so, you want to put yourself in the scene as sexy as possible in order to appear attractive to your counterpart. By the way, sexting is not a phenomenon that occurs only among young people. On the contrary, adults send such pictures much more often.
Basically, sexting is not a bad thing: it can be a proof of love, an attempt to impress your crush or simply testing your own impact. However, a fundamental problem arises: relationships between people change. Trust is not always a given. You can’t know what will happen to your own images. For example, images that were sent consensually and in confidence may then be forwarded to others without being asked or without consent.
So sexting itself is not bad, but the misuse of the images by other people is the problem – and can also be punishable. Young people whose images are used are the victims in this case. They are not to be condemned at all.
Educate your child about sexting. Speak frankly and respect privacy yourself of your child. In this way, you can support your child in using digital media safely and responsibly. Help your child develop healthy self-esteem and encourage him or her to confide in an adult if he or she has been harassed, threatened, or a victim of sexting abuse. If this ever happens: Help your child report the abuse and have the relevant material deleted, Explain to your child that he or she did nothing wrong. At www.safer-sexting.de you and your child can get extensive information about what is allowed when sexting, what to watch out for, what to urgently refrain from and where to get support.
What words did you use when you were younger and what did your parents think? Think about it. Because it is perfectly normal that sometimes you do not understand your child because he uses words that you do not know or understand.
Our language is shaped by the adult world. Adolescents have a strong need to form their own identity, to become independent and to distinguish themselves from adults. This is also expressed in the so-called youth language with which they create their own world. With their own language, or at least their own terms, they create something of their own and typical of youth. This connects and creates self-confidence. Using the “outdated” slang of the parents would sound old-fashioned and uncool.
In each new generation, in certain youth scenes and even in different places, youth language changes and there are different words and expressions. Typically, young people speak more easily than adults. In doing so, they sometimes use unusual or unfamiliar terms. The language is less “correct” because young people speak more spontaneously. Instead, it transports much more feelings and moods.
Online communication also has a strong influence on how young people speak or write. In messenger chat, for example Emojis used, the language is significantly shortened and is often incorrect. Terms from the gamer and rapper scene, from female influencers, and above all from the English that dominates the net are adopted. Many terms are reflected in hashtags, such as #staywoke for visibility of social inequality. The language young people use depends on where they are on the Internet and what the current trend is. In this way, they show which youth culture they feel they belong to and which media role models they emulate.
Check out your knowledge around your child’s language. The following words are particularly popular in 2022. At the end of the post you will find the resolution.
So there is no serious reason to worry if you sometimes do not understand your child. Respect the desire for boundaries and generally be understanding if your child uses different words than you do. But that doesn’t mean you have to let him tell you everything. Especially if the language is indecent, hurtful or offensive. Tell your child. Make it clear to him why he should not speak like this to others either and, if necessary, agree on rules for dealing with each other.
You are and will always be the adult your child wants to be different from. Therefore, do not try to approach linguistically. This is more likely to be perceived by your child as an invasion of his or her privacy. Speak the way you always do. Nevertheless, you can occasionally enjoy your child’s imaginative word creations and ask if you don’t understand something!
During the Corona pandemic, many different people were not well. Loneliness, worries and insecurity also troubled young people. It is quite normal for young people to seek advice on the Net when they have problems. When searching for help, one quickly comes across so-called psycho apps. Unfortunately, these are not always helpful, but can even have the opposite effect.
Psychology or diagnosis apps entice users with the promise of quick and easy help for mental health problems such as depression. While some of the offers only provide diagnosis and prevention, others even advertise the prospect of cure. However, such apps and their content are usually not developed by experts and do not meet scientific standards. This can quickly lead to misdiagnoses that can greatly unsettle and frighten adolescents. Even if the app makes a correct diagnosis, users are left alone and do not receive the help they need.
Particularly problematic are chat-based offerings in which users anonymously post their problems in public forums and other people comment on the posts. Besides heartbreak or own insecurities, even suicidal thoughts or photos of self-harm are shared and discussed. The posts in these forums are not moderated by real experts, nor is content reviewed and filtered. Vulnerable people can be triggered or even animated by certain images and messages, making them feel even worse. It is not uncommon in such communities for the shared suffering to create a sense of community and affirmation from which they find it difficult to emerge. Cases of cybergrooming, in which adults take advantage of the vulnerable state of young people, are also possible.
In addition, many of these apps ask users to provide accurate information about their health and mental state. Some providers share their users’ data with third-party providers such as Facebook. These mostly use the data for advertising purposes. But insurance companies and credit providers are also increasingly interested in this type of data. This may result in not having health insurance in the future or other disadvantages.
In chat-based apps, users are supposedly anonymous. But many young people give out phone numbers or addresses over time. Data that can quickly conclude the identity of the person.
As a parent, you should educate your child about the dangers of such psycho apps and what they are all about. In this video from funk the topic is presented in a way that is suitable for young people.
Offer to help with problems and show interest. If your child feels like they are not on their own when problems arise, they are less likely to seek help online. Young people in particular are reluctant to talk to their own parents about their problems. Therefore, show your child appropriate services and how to seek help on their own.
Parents and children can receive support and advice anonymously, e.g. via the Nummer gegen Kummer (116 111) or the telephone counselling service (0800 1110111). Young people can also seek help themselves via juuuport. de if they have problems online.
Some psychotherapists offer digital consultation hours. To make sure that the person giving the advice is a therapist, check the person’s imprint, for example. There you can get information about the address or contact by phone for the time being. Also, take a closer look at the resume: Does the person have accredited training to offer psychotherapeutic help? If these points apply, you can also use the help digitally.
Some therapists recommend the use of certain apps, as an accompaniment to talk therapy. These apps are developed by experts, are government approved, and require a prescription.
As a parent, you always feel the need to protect your child from danger – whether in traffic, when romping with friends, or even when using media, and no matter how old he or she is. After all, potential dangers lurk everywhere. But if children are always protected from this, they cannot learn to deal with it. Therefore, it is important to find a balance between protection and free space. Then your child can develop and become independent without being permanently exposed to risks.
Children and adolescents are constantly looking for new spaces of experience, even those that are far from your control as parents. You must allow your child this freedom, because it is meaningful and necessary for him to develop independence.
Children and young people need and use this freedom differently depending on their age. Younger children retreat to their room or secretly watch TV longer when mom or dad are not paying attention. Once children learn to read, they can also use online media more and differently. Then, out of curiosity, they sometimes end up on websites that are not really for them. The older your child gets, the more important it is that they also make their own decisions.
At the latest at the teen age, social networks like TikTok , Instagram , YouTube and computer games to it. Prohibiting access to these platforms in general is impossible and does not make sense from a pedagogical point of view. However, boundaries can also be crossed consciously or unconsciously in these spaces. Part of the adolescent phase is to distance oneself from the parental home and to go one’s own way. Your child wants to find out who he or she is. Therefore, boundaries are tested and personal freedom is sought. Social media offers many opportunities for this.
It is okay if you do not supervise your child everywhere. Independence is positive and should be supported and critically accompanied by you. However, this includes preparing your child for this by making him or her aware of the risks and opportunities of digital media and showing him or her ways to deal with them. Mutually agreed media rules can help. This should include not only media times, but also selected media content and app permissions. However, such rules should always be renegotiated to fit your child’s age.
Gradually relinquish control and involve your child in all decisions. Only when it understands your concerns can it implement rules. Nevertheless, there will also be moments – especially during puberty – when your child does not adhere to it. Try to stay calm and keep seeking conversation. Above all, be responsive if he or she ever reaches his or her limits and don’t judge your child for it. After all, that’s part of growing up.
At Instagram and especially on the platform TikTok young people repeatedly use the hashtag #egirl or #eboy for certain video clips. There you can see, for example, how a girl transforms into a so-called e-girl. But what is behind it and what meaning does the term have for young people?
The “E” stands for electronic and refers to the generation of young people who have grown up primarily in a digital world. They use online media and move around on social media platforms such as TikTok, Instagram or YouTube. E-girl or e-boy refers to a certain style of presenting oneself and looking. Often, e-girls wear black clothes and eye-catching makeup, such as painted freckles and hearts on their cheeks. Some of the e-boys also style themselves with light makeup or nail polish, and some wear center partings and jewelry. E-boys set themselves apart from the typical image of masculinity. They smile or wink sweetly at the camera and don’t want to appear tough.
Unlike other influencers and fitness bloggers, e-girls and e-boys don’t pose in well-known places or with the perfect beach figure, but usually in their own room. At the same time do not take themselves so seriously. Some of them are just dressed up for the video clip on TikTok, as an e-girl or e-boy, and wouldn’t walk around so conspicuously in school. They use the Internet to try things out.
It is problematic when girls or boys imitate certain characteristics without understanding what is meant by them. There are typical poses of e-girls or e-boys that seem strongly sexualized, even if they are meant ironically. The danger of cybergrooming or abuse of the content by criminals is increased by posting such videos.
The term “e-girl” is sometimes used pejoratively to refer to girls or women in the gaming scene. They show up playing via a stream, as do many male players. But they are more often accused of doing it just for clicks and attention, and of putting on particularly flashy makeup and clothes to do so. We have explained the problematic relationship of gender roles in gaming in more detail in another post: Computer games and the issue of Gender.
Children and young people are still in the process of forming their own personalities. In doing so, they take their cue from others. They find role models in family, friends, the media and elsewhere. At the same time, they want to set themselves apart and be individual. Youth cultures like the e-girl scene are exciting because they are probably different from their usual environment.
Give your child the space to develop, invent, and try things out, but don’t lose touch. This is a balancing act, especially for adolescents going through puberty. Encourage your child’s interests and personal strengths so that he or she can develop freely. Exchange ideas with him about youth cultures and trends. When you were young, did you also dress a certain way to feel like you belonged to a certain group? Did you identify with pride about that or did you find it rather silly to be put into a category?
Self-discovery plays a major role during puberty. That’s why likes on the latest photo on Instagram or video on TikTok equal confirmation and recognition. Influencers serve as role models. However, the perfectly staged and edited images of the Instagram make-believe world can have a negative effect on satisfaction with one’s own body. Body positivity is the name of a movement on the web that aims to make different images of bodies visible.
Body positivity does not mean always having to find yourself and others beautiful. Rather, it’s about not feeling bad about your own body because of the bodies portrayed in the media. This is because most people do not conform to the standard of beauty set by the media in particular. Body Positivity wants to show that beauty can be perceived very differently.
You rarely see fat people or people with disabilities on magazine covers. Also, people with dark skin are not the rule, as well as women who do not have smooth legs and tight skin. But not only in magazines or on news sites on the net, also in many series and movies the actors and actresses correspond to a very strict beauty ideal.
It seems to be the same on social networks like Instagram to be. The Body Positivity movement wants to show different people who are often left out of the media. Such images are tagged with the hashtags #bodypositivity #teambodylove or #formorerealityoninstagram. They are intended to draw attention to the fact that an unrealistic image of beauty prevails in the media and to create awareness of the diversity of our society.
Young people in particular are strongly influenced by the mostly edited images on Instagram. They get the feeling that their own body is not normal because it does not correspond to the image from the social networks. The pressure is increasing to upload even perfect images. Through apps and filters, many rework their images. Unfortunately, this leads to the fact that hardly any real bodies can be seen on Instagram. A vicious circle that Body Positivity wants to change. Serious psychological problems, such as eating disorders, can also result in some individuals, as they have not yet developed a stable personality.
Help your child feel comfortable in his or her body. Get your daughter or son’s role models on Instagram,YouTube and the like and talk about how these people present themselves there and how realistic the portrayals really are. Deliberately show your child influencers, movies and series that don’t fit the typical stereotypes.
Even if your child does not have model measurements, it does not mean that he is abnormal. Of course, you can motivate your child to eat healthy and exercise. It’s best to set a good example. But don’t teach him that you necessarily have to be thin to feel beautiful. Body positivity helps us to perceive the diversity of people as something beautiful.
No one is free from prejudice. Sometimes it helps to be aware: Am I or my child using words like gay or disabled in a pejorative way? Why do we do this and how does it make others feel?
When you hear young people talking to each other or if you happen to see a chat of them, you might think our children are unlearning how to speak and write properly. We also use colloquial language when we communicate with others on social networks or in Messenger. On the Internet, people don’t always pay attention to upper and lower case, “something” is quickly shortened to “what” and emojis are used instead of words. A typical chat between teenagers might look like this:
Image: JFF
In the past, people could only talk to each other face to face. If that was not possible, they wrote letters to each other. At some point, inventions like the telephone led to people being able to talk to each other in real time without having to be in the same place. The way we talk in a conversation is different from the way we talk in written language. Although we do not always use the correct tense or sentence order in oral language, we do not write worse as a result. Because we can distinguish well between oral language and written language.
Chats and social media have changed our communication and language yet again. Instead of talking, we can now write to each other in real time. For example, we can see if the other person is reading the message, is about to reply, or is waiting for our reply. As a result, we keep our messages shorter, write faster, and have less time to think about our words. Online communication mixes elements of written language and oral language.
Depending on the situation, we use a certain form of language. In an email to a teacher or company, we use different wording than in a message to a friend or brother. We adapt our language quite automatically. And in the same way, children learn to write differently in a school essay or a letter of application than they do when chatting.
Don’t be concerned that communicating through Messenger will have a bad effect on your child’s language. Pay more attention to how your child speaks in different situations and provide access to different formats in which language plays a role – whether books, magazines, reports, series, podcasts and, of course, personal interaction with other people. Because every child acquires language primarily through his or her entire language environment, i.e. also through his or her parents, acquaintances, friends, teachers, etc. Be a good role model when it comes to media and read, write or talk without the cell phone. Common media rules for the home can be helpful.
From a certain age, children and young people want to find out about media, friendship and love, but also about politics and world events. Talk shows or TV series for adults can quickly become boring for young people because they have little to do with their lifeworld. The funk online service specializes in formats that appeal primarily to teenagers and young adults.
funk is a network of audios, videos and channels that young people can follow on the net. Content is produced for specifically 14-16, 17-19, 20-24 and 25-29 age groups and aired on funk.net and popular platforms such as Instagram, YouTube, Snapchat and TikTok. Whether in comedy, music, trends, politics, sexuality and love or knowledge – funk offers over 70 channels for different age groups. There are various formats such as podcasts, reports or fictional soaps.
In the process, funk also devotes itself to alternative topics outside the mainstream and shows how diverse society is. You can see that well in formats like On the Toilet or Hunters and Gatherers.
funk ‘s offerings are just as diverse and can be found where young people watch videos anyway. funk caters to the viewing but also listening habits of young people, who prefer to use media when it suits them and not when something is on TV or radio.
In front of the camera and behind the microphone are often young people themselves with different cultural backgrounds, with whom the young viewers can identify. “Who am I and how do I want to be?” are important questions among young people. The characters in the funk formats can be role models for them. It’s about topics that interest and appeal to them, such as documentaries on YouTube about the everyday lives of influencers, why sneakers are so hot, or what it’s like to live without a smartphone for a week. But also serious topics around crime, extremism or racism are dealt with.
The funk offering is financed by the broadcasting contribution. This allows producers of videos for funk, to create content that is ad-free and independent of financial and political influences. funk is open, so viewers can submit topic requests and YouTubers themselves can become part of the network. All content on funk is pre-screened.
At 14 or 17, young people have different interests than at 12, which is why funk ‘s formats are not aimed at a specific age group, but at many different ones. However, this means that not all of funk ‘s offerings are necessarily suitable for your 14-year-old child.
Since funk is produced by public broadcasters, the offering is freely available and there are no hidden ads to entice children and young people to buy products, as is the case with many private YouTube formats.
Younger viewers in particular can get the impression that the people in front of the camera are showing themselves in a very private and personal way. However, this is not always the case, e.g. for web series (e.g. B. iam.meyra or print), which are followed in real time via Instagram or Snapchat. It is hard to tell that these are actresses and not real people. Therefore, stay in conversation with your child about what they are looking at and make them aware that not everything they find on such networks is real.
Too old for Die Sendung mit der Maus, but still too young for Galileo? There is a time when your child doesn’t really know his place. It’s somewhere between childhood and adolescence. This affects many of the approximately 11- to 13-year-olds. They are in a transition phase, which is also reflected in their media usage.
While there is a tailored offer for children consisting of age-appropriate books, audio and TV programs, the older children who are no longer interested are sent directly into the adult world of media. The jump is quite big and the offer can still partly overwhelm your child.
At the onset of puberty, your child is on the cusp of becoming an adolescent. In some things it still behaves childlike, in others it already wants to separate itself from you. It is increasingly oriented to elders and to people, trends and ideas outside the family. As a result, there is less and less interest in children’s media.
In this phase, most children also get a smartphone, so they can increasingly use media independently and self-determined. They begin to build their own world without the accompaniment and supervision of their parents, using the means of the media. However, your child is not yet very good at assessing what it means to put certain data on the Internet and what risks he or she can expect on the Net. Therefore, your daughter or son depends on constant communication with you.
Whether your child still wants to watch children’s shows, or whether he or she is more of an early adopter and is already zapping through adult programming at age eleven, you should support his or her developmental stage and give him or her the time he or she needs.
Gradually, you should relinquish control and support your child in being able to use media independently, safely and responsibly. Although your child has already gained some experience, he or she still approaches many things without any forethought, which means that he or she can easily come into contact with content that is harmful to minors via the Internet. His or her curiosity and desire to increasingly distance himself or herself from adults also leads him or her to seek out provocative content. Nevertheless, as parents, you still have an important role to play in providing guidance during the transition phase. Keep talking to your child and asking about his or her media experiences.
You have to search a bit for offers suitable for this age group and not every child will be interested in them. On classic media such as books or audio plays, age information is helpful. In the case of computer games and films, there is often only the youth protection information by the Freiwillige Selbstkontrolle, which “only” tells you whether the content is unproblematic for development from a certain age.
Media offerings tailored for children in the transition phase exist, on closer inspection, both on TV and on the Net. Here are a few recommendations:
You should also allow your child to take advantage of offerings that are not specifically for children. Find out about programs and content in advance. Watching a movie or playing a game together as a family gives your child the opportunity to ask questions and helps you see how he or she is coping with certain content.
