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Help, my child watches porn!

Whether via search engines, messengers or social media – many children and young people come into contact with pornographic content online at an early age, by chance and without intention as well as out of curiosity and interest. For parents, this can be frightening when they eventually realize that their child is watching porn. Why this is not abnormal, what pornographic content can be problematic and how you should deal with it, you will learn in this article.

Access to porn

While porn used to be found mainly in special stores or video stores and was only accessible to adults, it is now very easy to find it on the Internet. Besides, you won’t be seen and it doesn’t necessarily cost anything. This is not only true for adults. Children and adolescents develop their own sexuality during puberty at the latest. They are looking for guidance and role models. Since sex is often still a taboo subject, people like to seek the anonymity of the net. Here they can get smart unobserved before the sexuality is lived out with others. However, provocative nude pictures of men and women can suddenly pop up on the cell phone display quite unintentionally when your child actually just wants to watch a series, research for school online or write in the class chat.

Also on popular platforms such as
YouTube
and
Instagram
you can find photos and videos showing people with little clothing and in erotic poses. Such content is not pornography and is therefore available for all to view. However, they can still be unpleasant or even disturbing for some children, especially younger ones.

Protection from pornography

In Germany, youth media protection ensures that children and young people under the age of 18 are protected from content on the Internet that could endanger them or impair their development. Some content, e.g. violent pornography or depictions of the sexual abuse of children and young people, is generally prohibited for everyone!

Pornographic content in which sex is depicted in detail is permitted in Germany, but only for adults aged 18 and over. This means that access may only be possible after a secure age check. This is strictly checked for porn sites from Germany.

The situation is different for sites from other countries, some of whose porn content is freely accessible. Many platforms with pornographic content such as OnlyFans are not approved for minors. However, use is often possible by clicking on the “I am 18 years or older” button. However, large porn websites must now comply with the European Union’s Digital Services Act and implement much stricter rules.

Why porn can be problematic

Porn is particularly appealing to adolescents in puberty – also because it is forbidden. They are particularly susceptible to such stimuli and go in search of pornographic content or curiously click on the pages they happen to come across. Especially when the topic of sexuality is taboo at home and they don’t want to talk about it with their parents, they resort to what they find on the net. And that’s not necessarily age-appropriate.

The quick availability of such content can be particularly appealing when, for example, you’re just looking for a distraction or want to escape from your everyday problems. A habit can turn into addiction for some young people. Besides, watching porn regularly can develop ideas about sex that don’t have much to do with reality. Sex and pornography are equated with love and relationship. Some young people then expect their own love life to look the same. This also includes the development of your own body. This can stress teens out if they want to become sexually active themselves. Or the girlfriend or boyfriend is put under pressure to present himself or herself in the same way, film it and send the video. Voluntary and consensual sexting is okay, but the images must not be blackmailed or misused. You can learn more about sexting in our article about it.

What you should pay attention to as a parent

Sex is part of our lives. Do not make the topic taboo and always be open and willing to talk. Provide age-appropriate education when your child asks questions about love and sexuality. If you are unsure, get help, for example from the parents’ helpline of the Nummer gegen Kummer. We present further digital advice services for young people and parents in this article.

Accompany your child in their first steps on the Internet and explain to them that content can be encountered that is unpleasant. If certain pages appear unintentionally, your child should be able to talk to you about it. Younger children in particular must not be left alone with such experiences. They cannot properly categorize what they see because it has nothing to do with their own range of experience.

Please note the following points:

  • If your child is younger, give them access to age-appropriate content and let them surf the Internet using children’s search engines. This will reduce the likelihood that your child will come across content that is inappropriate for their age.
  • Use parental control programs and filter options on your browser, smartphone or tablet so that content harmful to minors is not displayed in the first place.
  • However, such technical settings can only ever provide support, as they do not offer one hundred percent protection against such content. It is much more important that your child knows that there is also such content on the net and knows ways to deal with it.
  • However, as children get older and enter puberty, they also need their space and don’t necessarily want to talk to their parents about the changes in their bodies. Older siblings can be good conversation partners. There are also sex education sites for young people online, such as Loveline or Liebesleben.
  • If you overhear your son or daughter watching porn, talk to him or her about it, but don’t judge your child. Make it clear to him that pornography is not realistic, but that someone has made up the “stories”, the bodies are professionally portrayed and the pleasure is staged. Talk to your child about ideals of beauty and role models.
  • Mere bans and filtering measures will not help, especially with young people. They find their ways to watch porn. If anything, bans have an even more appealing effect. Therefore, an open approach to the topic of sex is more effective.
  • Explain to your child what is and is not allowed when it comes to pornography. Show your child how to report prohibited content online, for example via a complaints office.

Klicksafe is providing detailed information on this topic as part of Safer Internet Day 2024. Click here for the information sheet for parents: https://www.klicksafe.de/materialien/voll-porno-wie-spreche-ich-mit-meinem-kind-ueber-pornografische-inhalte-im-netz

TikTok – the hot short video app

TikTok gehört noch immer zu den beliebtesten Apps unter Jugendlichen. Sie ist eine Plattform für kreative Kurzvideos aller Art.

In brief

  • kostenlose Social-Media-App
  • unter Teenagern eine der beliebtesten Apps weltweit
  • Mindestalter: 13 Jahre (mit Einverständnis der Eltern)
  • „Für dich“-Feed mit Videos, die der Algorithmus empfiehlt und „Folge ich“-Feed mit Videos von abonnierten Profilen
  • Herausforderungen: problematische Inhalte, Kommunikationsrisiken, Werbung
  • Spezielle Sicherheitsfeatures für Minderjährige

What is TikTok?

TikTok ist Social-Media-Plattform und Video-App in einem: Userinnen und User können bei TikTok aus einer bunten Sammlung von bekannten Popsongs, beliebten Audios und Zitaten, z. B. aus Filmen, wählen. Dazu „singen“ oder „sprechen“ sie Playback und filmen ihre Choreografie innerhalb der App mit dem Smartphone. Aber auch komplett selbst kreierte Kurzvideos werden umgesetzt. Die meisten Videos sind ein paar Sekunden bis wenige Minuten lang. Bestimmte Clips lösen einen richtigen Hype aus, werden nachgeahmt oder im Sinne eines Trends oder einer Challenge weitergeführt.

Die Videos der TikTokerinnen und TikToker, deren Account öffentlich ist, lassen sich über einen Browser anschauen, ohne dass man bei der App angemeldet sein muss. Um selbst Videos zu erstellen, wird allerdings ein Account benötigt.

TikTok bringt immer mehr Funktionen heraus, z. B. sich im Duett mit anderen Usern filmen, die Clips anderer weiterführen (Stitch) oder Livestreams. Auch Unternehmen nutzen die Plattform, um darüber zu werben.

What excites children and young people about the offer?

Jugendliche nutzen TikTok gern zum Spaß und für den Austausch untereinander. Auf TikTok lassen sich die jungen Nutzenden unterhalten, suchen nach Vorbildern, an denen sie sich orientieren können, stellen sich selbst dar und erhoffen sich positive Rückmeldung von anderen.

TikTok ist außerdem eine tolle Plattform, um die eigene Kreativität auszuleben. Die Hürde, ein eigenes Video zu erstellen und zu teilen, ist niedrig: In der App gibt es viele Videoeffekte und eine Musikbibliothek mit beliebten Songs, die sofort verwendet werden können.

Kinder und Jugendliche schätzen an TikTok, dass es darin weniger um Perfektion und Professionalität geht, wie auf Instagram oder YouTube, sondern Kreativität und Spaß im Vordergrund stehen. Die Videos sind näher am Alltag und die TikTokerinnen und TikToker werden als nahbarer empfunden.

Was kann problematisch sein an TikTok?

There are a number of things you and your child should consider before using the app:

  • Kinder (ab 13 Jahren) brauchen für die Anmeldung das Einverständnis der Eltern. Das Alter wird bei der Registrierung aber nicht überprüft. Auch viele jüngere Kinder nutzen deshalb TikTok.
  • Vor allem Kinder und jüngere Jugendliche können auf TikTok wie auf anderen Social-Media-Angeboten auf Inhalte stoßen, die nicht altersgerecht und ggf. sogar problematisch sein können: Gefährliche Inhalte, Hate Speech, Desinformation und manipulative Inhalte zur politischen Meinungsmache wie Kriegs-Videos und Propaganda, Verschwörungsmythen und Fake-Videos und vieles mehr.
  • Auch Kommunikationsrisiken von Cybermobbing bis zu Cybergrooming können auf TikTok Thema werden, vor allem wenn Ihr Kind selbst Videos auf TikTok teilt und die Jugendschutzeinstellungen für Minderjährige nicht genutzt werden.
  • TikTok löscht Beiträge und Gruppen, wenn diese gegen die Community-Regeln verstoßen. Nicht alle Beiträge können aber immer sofort blockiert werden.
  • Die Nutzenden haben keine Rechte an den Song- oder Filmausschnitten. Die erstellten Videos sollten deshalb nicht außerhalb der App geteilt werden, da sie sonst gegen die Bild- und Urheberrechte verstoßen. Sind andere Personen im Video zu sehen, müssen sie immer um Erlaubnis gefragt werden. TikTok erhält außerdem die Rechte an den veröffentlichten Videos.
  • TikTok finanziert sich über Werbung. Die Anzeigen im Videoformat sind von den Kurzclips der Userinnen und User kaum zu unterscheiden.
  • Auf TikTok geht es nicht nur um Unterhaltung, sondern manche verdienen mit der App Geld. Userinnen und User ab 18 Jahren können einander virtuelle Geschenke wie Emojis schicken, echtes Geld an Livestreamerinnen und Livestreamer senden und vieles mehr.
  • Manche Challenges, die in sozialen Netzwerken kursieren, können gefährlich werden oder befördern problematische Verhaltensweisen wie etwa Essstörungen
  • Einige Funktionen und Inhalte auf TikTok verzerren stark die Realität wie zum Beispiel der „Teenage-Filter“.DerAugmented-Reality-Filter macht aus jedem Gesicht ein perfekt geschminktes, junges „Idealbild“. Solche Clips vermitteln überzogene Schönheitsideale, regen zu ungesunden Vergleichen an und sind für junge Nutzende schwer durchschaubar.
  • TikTok steht immer wieder wegen seines intransparenten Umgangs mit persönlichen Daten der Nutzenden in der Kritik. So wurde im Juni 2023 bekannt, dass TikTok entgegen eigener Behauptungen Daten von Nutzenden aus den USA und Europa in China speichert.

What does the provider say?

TikTok ist sich der Gefahr von verstörenden und unerwünschten Inhalten bewusst und passt seine Sicherheitseinstellungen immer wieder an. Folgende Sicherheitsfeatures stehen Jugendlichen und Ihnen als Eltern zur Verfügung:

  • Der Begleitete Modus ermöglicht es Eltern, bestimmte Einstellungen für ein Familienmitglied vorzunehmen. Beispielsweise können Eltern angeben, wer ihrem Kind Nachrichten schicken und wie lange es Videos schauen darf. Eltern können den Inhaltsfilter nutzen und ihr Kind vor Inhalten schützen, die sie für ungeeignet halten.
  • Konten von 13- bis 15-Jährigen werden automatisch auf “privat” gestellt. Die Videos dieser Nutzergruppe dürfen gar nicht oder höchstens von Freundinnen und Freunden kommentiert werden. Ihre Videos dürfen außerdem nicht heruntergeladen werden.
  • 13- bis 17-Jährige werden vor bestimmten Inhalten geschützt, die eher für Erwachsene gedacht sind oder komplexere Themen behandeln.
  • Es wurde das Mindestalter von 16 Jahren für das Versenden von Direktnachrichten festgelegt.
  • Duette und Stitches sind mit den Videos von unter 16-Jährigen nicht möglich, ebenso wie Livestreams. Die Downloadfunktion ihrer Videos ist ausgeschaltet, kann aber aktiviert werden.

Generell lassen sich Accounts melden und/oder blockieren und es gibt einen Filter für beleidigende Kommentare.

In der App wird nach der Registrierung durch einen roten Punkt auf die Einstellungen verwiesen. Im Sicherheitszentrum der TikTok-Website können Eltern Tipps nachlesen.

Personen, die selbst TikToks erstellen und veröffentlichen, können seit einiger Zeit „Alle Kommentare filtern“ und einzeln freigeben. Wer die TikToks anderer kommentieren möchten, wird vorher gefragt, ob dieser Kommentar auch wirklich veröffentlicht werden soll. Außerdem gibt es einen Hinweis auf die Community-Richtlinien, die unangemessene Sprache und Hate Speech verbieten.

TikTok steht wegen seiner Moderationsregeln in der Kritik, denn offenbar wird durch den speziellen Algorithmus stark kontrolliert, welche Videos die Nutzenden sehen können. Auf diese Kritik hat TikTok reagiert. Nutzende haben mittlerweile mehr Optionen, Einfluss auf die vom TikTok-Algorithmus angezeigten Inhalte in ihrem Feed zu nehmen:

Sie können Videos nun mit „nicht interessiert“ markieren oder konkrete Inhalte mit bestimmten Hashtags oder Wörtern automatisch herausfiltern. Seit März 2023 stellt TikTok eine Neustart-Option für den Für-Dich-Feed zur Verfügung. Wer findet, dass die vorgeschlagenen Videos sich wiederholen oder nicht mehr zu den Interessen passen, kann den Feed zurücksetzen und nutzt die App wie nach der erstmaligen Anmeldung. Trotz dieser Maßnahmen bleibt der Für-Dich-Feed Algorithmus-gesteuert und bleibt somit nach wie vor in der Hand des Anbieters. So filtert TikTok zum Beispiel immer wieder Videos von Menschen mit Beeinträchtigungen heraus und je nach Nutzungs-Land kann es sein, dass die Videos der Zensur ihrer dortigen Regierungen unterliegen.

What should parents pay attention to?

Wenn Ihr Kind sich bei TikTok anmelden möchte, fragen Sie nach seiner Motivation. Sehen Sie sich vor dem Download gemeinsam die Nutzungsbedingungen an. Bei Handysektor finden Sie diese in einem kurzen Überblick. Um TikTok zu erkunden, ist es nicht notwendig, einen Account zu erstellen. Vielleicht ist das Surfen auf TikTok via Browser für den Anfang eine gute Option für Ihr Kind, um herauszufinden, ob ihm TikTok überhaupt gefällt.

Wenn es irgendwann einen Account geben soll, richten Sie diesen gemeinsam ein und probieren Sie zusammen die ersten Schritte aus. Geben Sie das richtige Geburtsjahr an. Für 13- bis 17-Jährige greifen gewisse Sicherheitsfeatures, die den Jugendschutz erhöhen. Eine Anleitung zu kindersicheren Einstellungen TikTok finden Sie auf medien-kindersicher.de.

Sprechen Sie mit Ihrem Kind über die möglichen Gefahren. Besonders wichtig ist, auf die Privatsphäre zu achten und in den Videos nicht zu viel von sich preiszugeben. Im privaten Modus ist mehr Kontrolle möglich. So ist die Kommunikation nur mit Freundinnen und Freunden möglich und Ihr Kind behält den Überblick darüber, wer die Videos sehen kann.

Versichern Sie Ihrem Kind, dass es sich jederzeit an Sie wenden kann, sollte es Beleidigungen erhalten oder belästigt werden. Zeigen Sie ihm außerdem, wie man unangemessene Inhalte blockieren und melden kann. Mehr Informationen dazu bietet der Leitfaden für Eltern von TikTok in Zusammenarbeit mit der FSM.

Um die eigene Privatsphäre und die von anderen besser zu schützen, muss bei einem Video nicht unbedingt immer das Gesicht zu sehen sein. Mit Hilfe von Emoji-Stickern oder anderen kreativen Lösungen ist das möglich.

Flirting and dating on the net

Friendships in your child’s life are important and become closer over time. At some point, falling in love comes along and the first relationships are formed. We explain what the most popular apps and communication tools for young people involve for flirting and dating online.

Which apps are used for keeping in touch and flirting?

To keep in touch with their peers, many young people primarily use familiar platforms such as WhatsApp , Instagram or Snapchat . Outside of school and sports clubs, they are used to get to know each other better, to follow each other quite inconspicuously, or to feel closer to each other.

But dating apps are also gradually becoming interesting for young people – around the age of 15. However, there are only a few contact portals that are aimed at or suitable for young people, as it is mainly people from their late 20s who go looking for a partner here. Most communities also do not allow participation until the age of 18. Only a few flirting sites offer their services to younger teenagers: Yubo is aimed at young people aged 12 to 17. Although the service is not officially a dating app, it is also used for that purpose and works very similarly to Tinder. MyLOL is aimed at 13- to 19-year-olds and markets itself as a teen dating app, mind you without any age verification. The dating app Skout is now available for ages 17 and up.

Adult dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Lovoo and queer-friendly services like OKCupid are also exciting for young people because of their playful design: You are shown a picture of another person and decide whether you find them attractive by swiping left or right. Out of curiosity alone, young people are also on the platforms for adults, because there is no age control for these apps.

What can be problematic?

Especially when flirting over the Internet, you have to be careful because you can’t see your counterpart. You don’t know whether what a person writes about himself or herself is true and what interests he or she is pursuing. Anyone can register with a portal or social media platform – whether they are of age or not. When you make contact with strangers, there is a risk of theCybergrooming, i.e., initiating sexual relations with minors.

When adolescents begin to fall in love and (want to) have their first relationships, there is also the risk ofSextingandCyberbullying to Sextortion: Some young people are easily persuaded to send revealing pictures of themselves without realizing the consequences and dangers.The swipe function of some dating apps also supports superficial judgments of others based solely on their appearance. This increases the risk of Insults and Hate Speech.

What should parents pay attention to?

Inform yourself about communication risks on the Internet and educate your child in this regard. Even if your child knows the person they are chatting with, they should be careful about what they write and what photos they send of themselves. Even with offerings like Snapchat where the photos delete themselves automatically, but they can still be saved forever via screenshot. Talk to your child about the fact that content on the Internet can also be disseminated quickly and unintentionally. Encourage your child to listen to his or her gut and not be pushed into anything.

No matter what app your child uses for communication, make sure to instruct them on privacy settings. It’s best to go through these together and consider which settings make sense, such as a profile set to private on Instagram . Make sure to turn off the location function of the apps. This way you can avoid strangers (or unwanted) tracking your child.

Flirting and dating are important for your child. However, make your child aware not to meet complete strangers. And certainly not on their own. At least one phone call should have already taken place. If you are completely unsure, start the first call with a suppressed phone number.

When it comes to a meeting, an adult person should always know about it. This person can, for example, come to the meeting and stay in the background. The meeting place should always be a public place where there are many other people. In addition, the meeting should take place during the day when it is still light outside.

Stay in regular communication with your child about which portals and apps your child is using, what he or she is doing there, or with whom he or she is communicating. However, please continue to respect your child’s right to privacy. Don’t control it, but agree together on rules for dealing with it.

And if your child doesn’t want to talk to you about such things, he or she can get very good information on the subject at ins-netz-gehen.de or handysektor.de.

Threema – the data-saving messenger alternative

Protecting personal data in the online world is important. That is why the messenger service Threema was developed. Maybe this is also an alternative for digital communication in your family?

In a nutshell:

  • Messenger app from Switzerland for Android, iOS and as desktop version
  • One-time costs for installation approx. 5,- € (as of August 2022)
  • Registration via cell phone number optional, anonymity possible
  • Features: Chats, group chats and distribution lists, voice and video calls, and voting.
  • Individual privacy settings and encrypted communication
  • Approved for youth under 16

What is Threema?

The paid messenger is similar to WhatsApp but attaches particular importance to data minimization. Each user receives a random Threema ID upon registration. This can be passed on to people with whom communication is to take place. Linking to a cell phone number or email address is also possible, but not mandatory. Without a cell phone number or e-mail address, the messenger service can be used anonymously, i.e. without providing any personal data.

Messages and calls are sent end-to-end encrypted, i.e. they can only be decrypted by the recipient. Also, messages are deleted from the server after delivery. Contacts and so-called meta data are only backed up on the user’s own device. In addition to the usual functions, there is the possibility to perform voting. With Threema Web, the messenger can also be used via PC. Additionally, there are Threema applications for schools and businesses.

Is Threema a good offer for teenagers?

Threema has far fewer users than WhatsApp, although the app offers similar features and data protection and privacy are better regulated. But it also has to be purchased at some point. Since almost everyone uses WhatsApp, it doesn’t seem necessary for young people to look for alternatives. Alternative and data-secure messengers are most likely to be installed by young people as a second or third app.

What can be problematic about Threema?

Since Threema complies with data protection laws (like the DSGVO), the app is already approved for children and teenagers. The communication risks associated with the use of a messenger, such as cyberbullyingand sexting, cannot be prevented with good data protection, as they usually originate from the users themselves.

What does the provider think?

Threema is a Swiss company that places particular emphasis on independence. It has its own servers for its service and develops everything itself.
On the website, Threema advertises guaranteed privacy and the best encryption. Threema has also documented how the encryption works there.

What should parents pay attention to?

In theory, Threema offers a high level of data protection. Users can decide for themselves how strongly they want to implement this – via the privacy settings in the app.

As with other messengers, you as parents should raise awareness about responsible use. Make your child aware of the dangers of messenger services described above. Familiarize yourself and your child with Messenger security settings, such as blocking unknown contacts.

Discuss the advantages of Threema and other data-saving messengers over WhatsApp. A free alternative is Signal.

Signal – Secure Messenger

You may have heard about the concerns about WhatsApp and other messenger services. Signal wants to be a safe alternative and offers almost the same features.

In a nutshell:

  • free and ad-free app for Android and iOS (as well as for desktop PC)
  • Registration via cell phone number
  • Chats, group chats, as well as encrypted voice calls and video telephony possible
  • End-to-end encryption
  • Age rating from 13 years
  • from the non-profit Signal Foundation

What is signal?

Signal allows you and your children to chat with one contact or a whole group. You can send pictures, audio files, videos, text messages and emojis, make voice calls or video calls and publish stories.

Signal advertises itself as a secure messenger. Unlike other messenger services, group conversations are also end-to-end encrypted. Individual privacy settingsin the app can be used to turn read notifications and “disappearing messages” on or off, among other things. At regular intervals, users are prompted to enter their PIN to ensure secure use. Signal requests access to the address book so that other users can be added as Signal contacts. However, contacts can also be entered manually without accessing the smartphone’s address book. Since Messenger is open source, anyone can view the encryption procedures. Many experts have already reviewed them.

What particularly fascinates young people about the offer?

More and more young people are aware that WhatsApp and the Messenger from Facebook offer little data security and are looking for alternatives. Signal is sometimes used as an additional messenger alongside the more frequently used apps.

What is problematic about the offer?

Some dangers do not relate to the use of a specific messenger, but are related to communication via messenger in general: Cyberbullying and sexting cannot be ruled out via Signal either. However, Signal offers increased security for private data.

What does the provider think?

According to the provider, contact data is anonymized by Signal, matched on Signal servers and then deleted again.

According to the provider, the minimum age for use is 13. The USK gives a recommendation from 0 years, but the app stores also state a minimum age of 12 years.

What should parents pay attention to?

As with other messenger services, the main thing you should do as parents is to raise awareness about responsible use. Draw attention to the potential dangers of communicating via messenger services and address the advantages of Signal and other, secure messengers (e. g. B. also Threema). When you use the app for family sharing, you send an important message. It is helpful to exchange ideas with other parents and decide together whether Signal should be used by the children and young people.

Cyberbullying Help

Your child keeps getting abusive messages in class chat. You hear about false and defamatory representations being spread about your child. Cyberbullying is unfortunately very common. Here we present the information and help offer cyberbullying help.

In brief

  • Online counseling for affected children and adolescents
  • Counseling mainly by experienced young people
  • Free of charge and anonymous
  • Answer usually within 24 hours

Cyberbullying – a brief overview

Being well informed is the first step in being able to act early. For a detailed definition of cyberbullying, see the Cyberbullying Help page and our post. It explains in detail what cyberbullying is, where it takes place, and why people engage in cyberbullying. You will learn how to recognize warning signals and what options you have for taking action.

What does Cybermobbing-Hilfe e.V. offer?

If your child has been a victim of cyberbullying, you should act quickly. Help and advice from experts is the best way.

For this purpose, Cyberbullying-Hilfe offers a counseling service for affected children and adolescents. Here, young people support other young people in a so-called “peer-to-peer” offer. This is often more comfortable for many young people than having to turn to adults. In addition, the offer is completely anonymous

The platform Cybermobbing-Hilfe e.V. was founded by 17-year-old Lukas Pohland, who experienced cyberbullying himself. In addition to detailed information on the topic, the platform offers online counseling for young people by young people who have been specially trained for this purpose.

What else can parents do?

It is important that your child also knows what to do if they are being bullied online. It is best to find out more about the topic together with your child.

For example, watch together the web series Wake Up! and talk about it with your child afterwards. In six short videos, two young people explain the topic of “safety on social media” for young people. The videos also show how a friend can help an affected person. In addition, Wake Up! provides supportive information on how to prevent cyberbullying.

If online services are not enough support, school social workers or family counseling centers can help. What you can also do against cyberbullying, they learn here. The article also contains information on other offers, such as juuuport .

Telegram

Telegram is a messenger service like WhatsApp , Signal Although the messenger is considered relatively privacy-protected compared to others, Telegram has come under criticism for spreading fake news and conspiracy narratives.

In a nutshell:

  • free messenger for smartphone, tablet or PC
  • secret chats with “self-destruct timer” possible
  • Cell phone number hidden for strangers, traceable by username
  • Creation of groups, channels and bots
  • Minimum age according to GTC: 16 years (age information in the app stores: from 17 or 18 years).

What is Telegram?

Telegram is a free messenger service that advertises particularly high security and speed. Anyone who wants to use the app must register once with a cell phone number by calling or texting. Afterwards, an account can be used across an unlimited number of devices. It is also possible to create a user name.

Telegram offers features like other messenger services: sending (and editing) images, videos, audio files and emojis. It can also be used to conduct surveys. Another special feature of Telegram is the creation of public groups and the subscription to (thematic) channels: Messages can be sent to an unlimited number of users, but only the channel creator and the administrators are allowed to write.

In so-called “secret chats”, messages are not stored on the provider’s servers. This is to prevent messages from being intercepted and read in any form. The “self-destruct function”, with which a message automatically disappears from the sender and recipient after a set time, also contributes to this.

What makes Telegram interesting for young people?

As with WhatsApp you can get in touch with others quickly and free of charge via Telegram. Especially the exchange in groups makes Telegram interesting. For older teenagers, contact with like-minded people in Telegram groups could also be exciting and problematic at the same time.

What is problematic about the offer?

Despite encryption and secret messages, the app has some pitfalls: The end-to-end encryption ensures that messages can only be read by the chat participants, but must first be activated. In addition, all communication content, with the exception of secret chats, is permanently visible to the operator and is stored on its servers.

Because of its subscribable channels and groups, Telegram is popular and criticized in equal measure. Institutions such as newspapers can use it to send out regular updates. But these groups also bring together people who exchange and spread right-wing ideas or other extreme opinions among themselves. Also listen to an episode of the youth podcast “What’s up…?”.

As with similar apps, contact risks such as sexting, cyberbullying and the spreading of so-called fake news cannot be ruled out. Registering with a username poses a particular risk: This is public, so that even people who do not have the cell phone number can contact you. The messenger also requires access to the address book and contacts are permanently stored on Telegram servers.

What does the provider think?

The Russian provider advertises data protection and privacy. In addition to the encryptions, there is, for example, the option to secure the app with code or fingerprint. Telegram is also open source, which means that anyone can see how the app is programmed and how the security measures work. The app is also to remain free of charge and advertising at all times.

Before you register, you must also agree to the Terms of Use. These require a minimum age of 16. In addition, the users undertake not to use the service for sending spam or cheating, not to promote violence and not to publish illegal pornographic content. However, it is unclear whether and how compliance with these conditions will be verified.

What should parents pay attention to?

Before your child uses a messenger like Telegram, you should talk to him about communication rules and possible dangers. Consider beforehand what speaks for Telegram or whether another service would be better. If it is to be Telegram , refrain from registering with a public username.

Cyberbullying

Almost everyone knows the term. This refers to insulting, exposing or threatening people via the Internet and smartphone, e.g. via apps such as Snapchat, WhatsApp or Instagram. But not every message or post on a social media profile with the content “Martin is dumb!” endangers your child’s development.

Bullying takes place everywhere

Bullying has not just existed since social media came into existence. But since almost everyone has a smartphone these days, it doesn’t stop for them when they get out of school in the afternoon. Children and young people are in quasi constant contact with each other, e.g. via class chat on WhatsApp.

Bullying is mostly cyberbullying at the same time, because some people dare to spread mean thing about others and insult them more via cell phone. Sometimes disputes or bullying start in class or in the schoolyard and get worse via communication on the net.

What is cyberbullying?

  • Bullying takes place via digital media and social media platforms.
  • Most often, the intention is to deliberately harm a person. With cyberbullying, the “bullies” may not even realize they have gone too far. What was meant as fun can have negative consequences.
  • Since content can be stored and shared unnoticed, a single publication is enough to cause long-term damage.
  • It is not always clear who is behind it, because you can also post insults anonymously.
  • It’s much easier to insult someone with a smartphone message than to say an insult directly to their face and get the reaction.

What you can do against bullying?

There are people who behave less socially on the Internet than usual. If you show your child that rules of friendly interaction also apply online, hopefully others will behave in the same way. You can talk to other parents about making certain rules apply to everyone.

When children and young people communicate with each other, there are always times when insults are used. This does not have to be bullying, but is often just a joke. They use it to test how far they can go. However, this limit is different for each child.

Regularly ask what your child is doing online, talk to him about possible risks. Be responsive when it encounters problems. Show him ways to block individual users in the apps. On portals like juuuport, your child can get in touch with peers if he or she is afraid to tell you about problems online.

If you notice that your child withdraws and no longer meets friends, you should carefully ask what is behind it. If you are concerned about being bullied, you can contact the classroom teacher. If it really is bullying, be sure to preserve the evidence on your child’s phone, such as screenshots. Certain behaviors associated with bullying – such as threatening, defaming, and disseminating photos of others – are even punishable by law.

In case of massive threats, you should definitely go to the police. You should also report bullying incidents on the platforms where they occurred.

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Cybergrooming – when strangers seek contact with children over the net

Clearly, you know your child’s friends from school or the sports club. But what about acquaintances with whom your child has contact only via the Internet? Wherever children and young people communicate with each other, they can come into contact with people who have negative intentions.

What is cybergrooming?

Portals like Instagram or TikTok, where children and young people like to hang out, also attract users with pedo-criminal tendencies. This is criminal behavior directed at children and is of great concern to many parents. Adults or perpetrators may approach children with the goal of sexually harassing or even abusing them. This targeted approach on the net is called cybergrooming.

The perpetrators take different approaches: They ask very specifically about the child’s or adolescent’s sexual experiences or they publicly describe their sexual preferences. Some gradually worm their way into the child’s trust by pretending to be a peer or taking on the role of a talent scout. Subsequently, the exchange of messages can shift to private spaces, e.g., via individual messages on WhatsApp. This is especially problematic because others cannot see this private chat. There, the perpetrators try to build trust, which is later exploited, for example by asking for nude pictures of the child. With this, the child can be blackmailed later. There is a threat to publish the pictures if more photos are not sent. Or the person may even try to date the child or youth in person.

How do I protect my child from cybergrooming?

  • Take the first steps in social networks together with your child. In this way, your child will learn about the different functions and rules of behavior.
  • In order for your child to know about the dangers at an early age and be able to recognize them in time, talk about them in a very open and factual manner. If your child knows he or she can talk to you about such issues, he or she is likely to turn to you when encountering problems online.
  • Make it clear to your child: the Internet is a public space, but you can’t always tell who you’re dealing with. Therefore, a healthy distrust is absolutely necessary. Contact requests from strangers should not be confirmed. Unknown users can also be blocked or reported.
  • Private information such as full name, date of birth, address or even private pictures should never be made public by your child or entrusted to unknown persons. What is once on the Internet or sent, can never be deleted or only with great difficulty!
  • Together and regularly with your child, go over the privacy settings of the platforms and apps you use and talk about them.
  • Make it clear to your child that he can trust his gut. If chat content or prompts seem strange or frightening to your child, he or she should stop contact and contact you or another adult.
  • When young people are active on flirting and dating apps, special caution against sexual harassment applies, since moderation by the provider and sufficient security settings do not exist everywhere. It is especially important to disable the tracking function so that your child cannot be tracked.
  • Children and young people are particularly curious. Therefore, they sometimes forget all warnings and can fall into a trap. Be sure to make it clear to your child that even in such cases, the blame lies solely with the offender.
  • If your child is sexually harassed, be there for your child and do not blame him or her. Report the perpetrator on the respective platform, secure evidence, e.g. by screenshots, and be sure to file a complaint with the police!

Help, advice and information can also be found here:

For children and teenagers at…

For parents at…

Conflicts on the net

Under YouTube videos or in social networks, you often find comments from people who are upset, insulting or just ranting. Many users have already had contact with bullying – with themselves or with others. It’s not just people who are in the public eye who get clobbered by other Internet users. Is that just part of life?

There are always people behind conflicts – even online

It’s not the Internet’s fault that people clash or want to harm each other. On the net, however, it is particularly tempting for some people to cheat, insult or threaten. It’s easier for them to instigate conflict when they don’t directly realize that the other person is suffering. Yet vulgarities are no less bad just because they take place online.

The Internet is by no means a lawless space and no one should have to fear going online. The same rules and laws apply as usual, and it is important that everyone knows and abides by them.

Conflicts are everywhere

Conflicts always arise between people, even children and young people argue. This is quite normal, and it’s how they learn to deal with conflict – offline and online. However, it is often more difficult for them to assess how far one can go and at what point limits are exceeded. Especially with hate messages and bullying, children and teenagers are sometimes very mean without even realizing it.

The older your child gets, the more he or she is online and can also get into conflicts with adults there. In their teens, children are using more and more platforms or apps where they may encounter messages, comments and content that spread hate, agitation and untruths. It is very important that you do not leave your child alone in this process and prepare them in time on how to deal with it.

Dealing with conflicts

The most important thing is that your child knows that you are approachable and supportive when problems and conflicts arise. Children and young people only gradually learn to assess risks and dangers well and to deal with conflicts. Various strategies can be helpful in this regard:

  • Communicate without violence. Even if it is sometimes difficult, you should always remain polite yourself and thus not further fuel the conflict.
  • Prefer face-to-face. Online, misunderstandings quickly arise. In addition, the inhibition threshold for vulgarities is lower. It is better to resolve a conflict in a direct conversation.
  • Name the problem. It is important to call a problem even if you discover insults, threats or hatred.
  • Set boundaries. You have to make it clear to the other person when a limit has been reached. Sometimes this already helps to contain a conflict.
  • Get help. You don’t have to do everything on your own. You can look for friends, family, teachers or even other people in the network to support you.
  • Support. Sometimes you witness a conflict but are not involved yourself. Then it is important to offer help and support the affected person.
  • Disagree. If you dare, you can also discuss and disagree. The best thing to do here is to set clear boundaries and name problems.
  • Report. All platforms on the network offer that content is reported. So if you see insults, hate content, fake news or something similar, most of the time the platforms will also take care of it if you let them know.

More on the topic of “Conflicts on the Net” can be found at the following points of contact:
– Dealing with hate in social media at the Amadeu Antonio Foundation.
– Bullying at Juuuport.
– Dealing with fraud and misinformation at Mimikama.

Improve skills with online gaming

This article is a guest post by Dana Neuleitner.

Computer games are very popular with children and young people. Whether building cities, fighting against villains or diving into distant worlds together with friends – there are hardly any limits to your imagination. As parents, however, you are often in a quandary. On the one hand, they are aware of the potential that virtual worlds can offer their children. Because there are already numerous digital educational games available for the youngest children. On the other hand, many fear that their offspring will meet cybercriminals online, develop addictive behavior or be exposed to virtual violence that they cannot handle.

Positive learning effects of computer gaming

Studies by the Max Planck Institute for Human Development show that video games such as Super Mario 64 can increase spatial thinking, memory formation and fine motor skills, as well as strategic planning. The North Rhine-Westphalia Media Authority (LfM) also highlights positive learning effects in its “Best Practice Compass. Computer Games in the Classroom” also highlights positive learning effects. This includes, for example, the ability to create cognitive maps or to train algorithmic thinking. Children and young people tend to learn in a hidden way when playing computer games, for example by improving their hand-eye coordination or dexterity. However, the violence aspect that underlies many online games is also objected to here, as is the gender issue. Because often, similar to the advertising industry, stereotypes or certain ideas of beauty and strength are used. This is where the model project WERTE LEBEN – ONLINE of the JUUUPORT e.V. which, among other things, aims to dispel prejudices against female gamers. Young people also campaign there for more respect, tolerance and compassion on the Net.

Learning projects around gaming

Some initiatives and projects tie in here. The project “(Cyber-)Mobbing – Explained!” sensitizes students to the topic of bullying, for example, and the webinar on the topic of “Respectful in Online Games” is intended to train children and young people in dealing with gamer language. In online multiplayer games, individual team members must communicate with each other to exchange ideas about possible moves, for example. This can foster teamwork and tactical thinking. At the same time, there is concern that children and young people may also come into contact with insults and bullying through online exchanges.

Another issue many parents face is violent scenes in computer games that could potentially disturb children. With the rise of first-person shooter games, fears have been raised that such games could lead to copycat crimes. However, a study by researchers at the University of York showed that violence in digital games does not necessarily trigger aggressive behavior.

The positive learning effects of computer games can even be harnessed for teaching with gamification and inspire children in language lessons, for example. Because when learning is fun, it happens almost all by itself. However, to achieve this, schools would need to be properly equipped and in-service training would need to be provided to teachers.

If children and young people are carefully introduced to the subject and made familiar with possible dangers, digital games offer them a learning environment that can support them in many areas. To do this, it is helpful to study and inform oneself about the topic in order to create an optimal environment for the offspring and to always stay up to date so that potential dangers can be successfully managed.

About the author:
Dana Neuleitner is a student assistant at merz | medien + erziehung and studies media and communication at the University of Passau. Her areas of focus include media linguistics, cross-media and public communication.

MovieStarPlanet

“Become rich and famous” – this is the slogan with which the game MovieStarPlanet advertises. For teenagers, the world of the “rich and famous” can be tempting. In this online game, they can create their own “movie star” and socialize with others. However, this is not always unproblematic.

In a nutshell:

  • Social network and game popular with children and young people
  • Available as browser game or free app
  • numerous purchase options and in-app purchases
  • Minimum age: 10 years
  • possible dangers: Cyberbullying and cybergrooming

What is it?

MovieStarPlanet is especially popular with children and allows them to represent themselves, play and interact with others. It is both a game and a social network, and making new contacts plays an important role. Registration is free of charge. All you need is a username and password. The age of a user is not checked. Then you choose your own avatar (in the form of a boy or girl) and design it yourself or based on the MovieStarPlanet selection options. In various virtual rooms, users play games such as a “beauty contest” with other users and collect virtual money to buy new clothes and become more famous, for example. By collecting so-called “StarCoins” you can buy many options and products. This includes expensive clothes as well as props and animations, e.g. for self-created videos. This allows you to increase your own popularity within the game. The virtual StarCoins can also be bought with real money.

What is problematic about the bid?

Since the age information of the users is not checked, it is possible to register even with a wrong age and you never know who is hiding behind a profile. Your child can’t be sure who they are really chatting with. There is a risk of cyberbullying and cybergrooming.

Many features of the game are associated with costs through so-called in-app purchases. This can make the game an expensive affair. It can also be frustrating to not be able to use content in the game because it has to be unlocked for money first. If you don’t want to spend real money, you can also unlock content by playing especially regularly. Thus, users are encouraged to be online as often as possible in order to keep up with the other players and become more popular.

The image of women at MovieStarPlanet is also questionable; the avatars embody stereotypical and sexualized role models. Female avatars mostly wear very skimpy clothes and are often belly-baring with long hair and red lips. Judging other players and increasing notoriety within the game through superficialities like expensive, trendy clothing is also critical and can put pressure on your child.

What does the provider say?

According to the provider, the game is intended primarily for children and teenagers aged 8 to 15. MovieStarPlanet operators are aware of the risks, which is why there are various security measures in the game. Among other things, there is the possibility to report other users. There is also automated analytics and a data management system designed to identify inappropriate behavior and report it to moderators.

What should parents pay attention to?

Parents should be aware of the potential dangers in the offer. It is important that you accompany your child. Point out to communicate only with friends who are also known in real life and in no case to reveal personal information about yourself. Also, reassure your child that he or she can always turn to you should he or she be confronted with unpleasant or funny content or messages. Talk to your child about reporting and blocking features before using the service.

Please agree on rules for in-app purchases together with your child, or prevent them, for example, by making sure that your child does not make any in-app purchases. do not store any payment data or prevent in-app purchases on your child’s cell phone through special parental control settings.

Kik

Kik… Can’t you buy clothes there? Kik, in this case, is a messenger service that aims to connect people. If you’ve been looking around for alternatives to WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger, you may have come across this popular offering.

In brief

  • free messenger service
  • Available as an app for smartphone and tablet (iOS and Android)
  • Over 200 million users (provider’s own data)
  • Registration with username only (phone number is optional)
  • Registration according to the provider from 13 years, but in the Google Playstore marked with USK 18 and on iTunes from 17 years.
  • Very high risk of cyberbullying, sexting and cybergrooming due to the anonymity of the user

What is it?

Kik is a messenger service that allows registered users to chat with each other publicly and privately. As with other offers of this kind, various functions are available – such as sharing photos, images, videos and GIFs, and the possibility of a video chat. What is special about Kik is that registration is only possible with a user name. You do not have to give your phone number, but it is recommended. The full name, an e-mail address and the date of birth are requested, but there is no check whether you have entered the correct data. This makes it very easy to create an anonymous or fake account. So you can never be sure which person is really behind a profile.
Another special feature of Messenger is that you can create public or private group chats with up to 50 people. Public chatting works by entering hashtags. This can also be problematic, as it makes it easy to come into contact with strangers.

What is problematic about the offer?

The platform makes it very easy for children and young people to come into contact with unfamiliar users and receive unwanted messages or photos with, for example, frightening and/or sexualized content, due to the anonymous registration and the possibility of randomly searching for user names. The risk of cyberbullying, sexting and cybergrooming can be very high here.
If you skim the reviews of the offer in the app stores, you get the impression that many users are looking for contact with sexual innuendos, especially with younger users.

It is also unclear where exactly the data sent via Messenger ends up. Teenagers can share personal information, pictures and videos with other users, which can then be redistributed without their knowledge.

According to the provider, registration on the platform is possible from the age of 13. By providing a false date of birth, you can easily get around this.

What does the provider think?

With some security settings, Kik tries to make the use of the messenger service more secure. On Kik ‘s website, you can find a “Safety Center” that gives you tips on how to keep your own profile as private as possible, for example. One also learns how to delete, block or report other users. However, the safety instructions are only available in English.

What should parents pay attention to?

Your child really wants to use Kik because friends use the app too? Consider whether there are alternatives that are safer for your child and their circle of friends. If you can’t avoid Kik, you should definitely talk to your child about possible risks and communicating via Messenger. Research and consider together how to stay safest on messenger services. Install the app with your child and get to know it together. Also, discuss what to do if your child encounters unpleasant messages and cyberbullying or the like.

Musical.ly is now called Tik Tok

“Musical.ly is no more!” This message must have shocked many teenagers, especially female ones, among whom the app is particularly popular. But that’s not really true at all.

Chinese company Bytedance bought Musical.ly in December 2017. It was merged with its Chinese counterpart TikTok in early August 2018. So Musical.ly is not history, only its name is. Those who have updated will now find the app “TikTok including Musical .ly” on their smartphone instead of the pink Musical.ly logo.

Musical.ly was almost all about music – this basic function also remains. However, the name change is intended to create additional uses. Longer videos, other topics: Beauty, travel and sports are to be given greater consideration. In this way, the app wants to move away from the pure singing and dancing image.

Musical.ly has repeatedly come under heavy criticism. The ease of contact by strangers and the creation of fake accounts worried many parents. Bytedance wants to make the app safer in this respect: Offensive content and comments are to be detected and blocked more quickly by algorithms. The “Safety Center”, which can be accessed in the app, will also provide tips for parents and simplify privacy settings in the future.

Whether this will actually increase security for users is still very much in doubt. Regardless of strangers making contact, other risks remain.

Overall, merging the apps probably won’t change much for you as a parent. Continue to talk to your child about the risks that TikTok now holds.

Ask.fm

Questions about questions – the Ask.fm platform wants to provide answers to the many questions of everyday life.

In a nutshell:

  • free question and answer online platform
  • allowed from 13 years
  • the social network contains advertising
  • Registration via the portals Facebook, X, Instagram or vk.com (social network from Russia)
  • Access via browser version or iOS & Android mobile app
  • Platform offers high risk for cyberbullying and sexual harassment

What is ask.fm?

ask.fm is a social network where users can ask each other completely arbitrary and individual questions. It is a worldwide community and available in 49 languages. The questions and answers are publicly viewable on the respective profile for everyone, that is, for registered, but also for non-registered members. Answers can be given in the form of text, photos and videos. Questions can either be written anonymously without a member account or with a user or member account. Clear names are provided. Even then, a checkmark can be placed next to “Ask anonymously”. The public question and answer game makes it possible to communicate with strangers as well.

Users can follow each other and get the other person’s new post displayed on their own feed.

What particularly fascinates children and young people about the offer?

Social networks offer children and young people the opportunity to try out, present themselves and test their effect on others. In particular, the platform ask.fm can also be compared to a kind of digital “friend book” – the principle of the question-and-answer game has been very popular in many generations and has now also moved to the web. The interest and attention in one’s own person can be appealing to children and adolescents. The option of being able to ask other users questions anonymously also gives the impression of being able to ask seemingly bolder and more honest questions.

What is problematic about the offer?

ask.fm is linked to cyberbullying and subsequent teen suicides. The possibility of anonymous posting, i.e. writing and commenting on posts without mentioning a name or profile, lowers the inhibition threshold for cyberbullying and makes it easy for perpetrators to insult, harass, coerce or sexually harass other users without being detected.

The creation of a profile and especially the answering of questions can tempt people to reveal personal data about themselves, which is then visible to everyone. Users must be aware that their profile as well as their posts can also be accessed via the network ask.fm are accessible to the public beyond the ask.fm network and that the potential audience is not manageable. Search engines like Google, partner of ask.fm and other third parties may also collect data from ask.fm may receive data from ask.fm. Linking the profile to Facebook, Instagram, X or vk.com also harbors data protection risks.

Moreover, the security and usage settings can be easily bypassed. ask.fm is only officially available to young people over the age of 13, and minors may only use it with their parents’ consent. However, this is not verified in any way.

Likes and followers make your own profile more attractive. In addition, in the past for this purpose have collected gifts that were displayed in the profile. However, these gifts were chargeable! In addition, they were sometimes offered in exchange for a sexually charged image or video response.

What does the provider think?

According to the provider, users should use the platform according to the following golden rule: Treat other users as you would like to be treated yourself.

ask.fm points out by means of a specially installed “security center” (https://safety.ask.fm/?lang=de) points out dangers and risks.

There are some functions with which ask.fm offers protection measures and help options for users:

  • Reporting and blocking function of inappropriate activities, content or profiles
  • disable the “allow anonymous questions” option
  • Instructions for safe handling of own content on ask.fm, privacy or deletion of the account

When asking a question, non-registered users must also place a check mark next to “I agree to ASKfm terms of use and I am at least 13 years old. I promise to be polite :)” confirm.

What should parents pay attention to?

If your child wants to use ask.fm, you should discuss with them in advance what exactly they are looking for there. By doing so, you will create and foster your child’s trust so that they will turn to you when they experience something unpleasant.

Also, go over the privacy policy and terms of use together. Point out the risks of the platform to your child and explain why he or she should not provide personal information on the social network. As in any social network, the same applies here: Think first, then post! Together, think of a nickname for your child, that does not allow any conclusions to be drawn about the identity of your child. Your child should also know about the following functions:

  • allowing anonymous questions can be deactivated
  • Unpleasant, inappropriate or problematic behavior of users can be reported (also anonymously)
  • Users can be blocked
  • you can disable the display of replies in the stream (so you get less attention from random users)
  • In general: Questions can also remain unanswered !
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