Chatting with friends, being active on social media, expressing themselves creatively – the smartphone opens up a new world for children. Many parents ask themselves: “When is my child old enough to have their own smartphone?”. This question is not easy to answer. This is because the child’s stage of development plays a key role in the decision.

The right time for the first smartphone

The change from elementary school to secondary school is a suitable time for many parents to purchase a smartphone. Many children have a long journey to school, which they often have to make alone. They can make contact quickly via a cell phone or smartphone. Constant availability should not be the main reason. For older children and teenagers in particular, the most important reason for having their own smartphone is to keep in touch with their friends. They want to be part of it and have a say when it comes to the latest apps and social media trends.

A checklist helps with the decision

Are you wondering whether your child is ready for their own smartphone? Then you should think about these things:

• Has my child had experience using someone else’s smartphone (e.g., mother, brother, or uncle) on occasion?
• Does my child know that personal information exists and what it means?
• Can my child understand that security settings and app permissions exist and what they are good for?
• Can my child understand that a cell phone (may) incur costs, e.g., in-app purchases via games?
• Does my child know that there are also rules online, e.g. when communicating in group chats?

klicksafe has compiled these and other questions in a checklist for parents to tick off. Go through the checklist alone or together with your child. The more points you tick, the more ready your child is for their own smartphone. However, you know them best and can assess their media experience and sense of responsibility. For younger children, a cell phone without Internet access may be suitable at first. Sooner or later, however, you should allow your child to have their own smartphone.

Surfing, posting and chatting – the challenges of smartphone use

Access to the Internet holds a lot of potential for your child, but also risks:

• Inform yourself or together with your child about data protection and safety on the internet. Teach your child that it is important to use their own data sparingly and consciously.
• Prepare your child for the fact that they may come across unsuitable content such as violence, extremism, pornography or drugs on the Internet.
• It is also much easier to spread false information via the Internet – your child should be aware of this.
• Talk about the communication risks your child could encounter online and what options are available to respond to them. You should discuss challenges such as online conflicts, cyberbullying, hate speech, contact with strangers, cybergrooming, chain letters or challenges in detail
• Make it clear to your child what business models there are on the internet, how influencers earn their money and how they can recognize online advertising.

You can find out how you can protect your child from sexual violence on the Internet in this klicksafe brochure.

Select and set up a device

Choose your first smartphone carefully and take costs and features into account. A used cell phone can be a good choice. Take your time to set up your smartphone. Pay attention to age ratings of apps and enable security settings on the device. Discuss together which apps your child can and cannot use for the time being. A prepaid contract and not a flat rate may be sufficient at the beginning. This will teach your child how much they actually use their cell phone and how to use mobile data and WLAN appropriately. Settings in the smartphone can also create awareness of screen time. You can find more tips on how to make your child’s cell phone use safer in our article on this topic.

Tips for safe use of the first smartphone

Accompany your child as they take their first steps with their smartphone. Always inform your child about possible risks. Even before deciding to get your own smartphone, talk to your child about it. It can also be helpful to consult with other parents. Because most of the time, they face the same questions.

Establish common rules for media use that all family members adhere to. Keep an eye on your child’s usage times and signs of digital stress.

Find out about child-friendly offers and apps, such as the fragFINN app. You can find pedagogical assessments for mobile games at Spieleratgeber NRW.

Try to lead by example. Don’t abuse your child’s trust by secretly checking the cell phone – a frank conversation is the better way. If you are unsure or serious problems arise, contact educational professionals such as school social workers or contact (online)counseling centers.

Child-friendly information can help children get to grips with the topic. The “Genial digital” magazine from the Deutsches Kinderhilfswerk (DKHW) provides children aged 8 to 11 with information about the internet and their first smartphone in a fun way.

“But I want to watch TV longer, just a little bit more!” – this child substitute should be familiar to most parents. Television – whether via the classic offerings or via streaming – is a popular topic of contention in families and often leads to discussions. Reconciling the children’s wishes with the adults’ ideas is not always easy. How long can I let my child watch TV without a guilty conscience? How do I select suitable shipments? What devices and channels do people watch on? FLIMMO, the parents’ guide to TV, streaming, YouTube and cinema, was created precisely to answer questions of this kind.

In brief

• Parents’ guide to child-friendly moving image content
• Pedagogical recommendations by age
• Movies, series and shows from media libraries, streaming services, YouTube and TV channels
• accessible free of charge via the website

FLIMMO – popular children’s television at a glance

On the flimmo.de website, you as a parent can quickly find out whether a particular series or program is suitable for your child. You will also find out what is currently on TV and whether there is something suitable for your child. Children not only use traditional TV programming, but also watch on streaming platforms, YouTube or in media libraries. FLIMMO experts try to check all interesting offers for children. The focus is on the perspective of young media users: What do they like about movies, series or shows? What causes them problems? What do they like to watch and why? How do they deal with media experiences and how do they process them?

The assessments point out problematic issues or warn of possible excessive demands. In the same way, it is made clear what interests, fascinates or amuses children at the respective age. Pedagogical assessments make it clear what children like about a film or series, what can be problematic and what parents should pay particular attention to. FLIMMO also addresses questions about media education in the family: How much media time is okay? What rules help and how do you get siblings under one roof? What is important when dealing with YouTube? The guidebook helps parents meet the challenges of everyday media life with brief information and practical tips.

The rating system

FLIMMO reviews movies, series, documentaries and theatrical films that children between the ages of 3 and 13 like to watch – or want to watch. A traffic light shows at a glance whether a film, series or YouTube channel is suitable for children or not – and if so, from what age:

Green: This content is suitable from the respective age and is well received by children. You will find entertaining, exciting, funny and educational.

Yellow: There are problematic aspects from a pedagogical point of view. These can be questionable role models or heroines who rely exclusively on violence. Parents should keep an eye on how children deal with this and take countermeasures if necessary.

Red: There are elements that can overwhelm, unsettle or frighten children. Regardless of age, such content is not suitable for children.

Who is behind FLIMMO?

FLIMMO is a project of the non-profit association Programmberatung für Eltern e.V. It is scientifically and pedagogically based. Experienced media educators from the JFF – Institute for Media Education take care of the content and ratings. FLIMMO also regularly surveys 3- to 13-year-olds about their preferences.

How to use FLIMMO in the family

Even though the offer is primarily aimed at you as a parent, it can be exciting to click through the website’s content together with your child. FLIMMO ‘s simple and clear rating system is well suited for finding suitable content. If your child tells you about an interesting series or YouTube channel, you can look up what FLIMMO has to say about it together.

TikTok gehört noch immer zu den beliebtesten Apps unter Jugendlichen. Sie ist eine Plattform für kreative Kurzvideos aller Art.

In brief

• kostenlose Social-Media-App
• unter Teenagern eine der beliebtesten Apps weltweit
• Mindestalter: 13 Jahre (mit Einverständnis der Eltern)
• „Für dich“-Feed mit Videos, die der Algorithmus empfiehlt und „Folge ich“-Feed mit Videos von abonnierten Profilen
• Herausforderungen: problematische Inhalte, Kommunikationsrisiken, Werbung
• Spezielle Sicherheitsfeatures für Minderjährige

What is TikTok?

TikTok ist Social-Media-Plattform und Video-App in einem: Userinnen und User können bei TikTok aus einer bunten Sammlung von bekannten Popsongs, beliebten Audios und Zitaten, z. B. aus Filmen, wählen. Dazu „singen“ oder „sprechen“ sie Playback und filmen ihre Choreografie innerhalb der App mit dem Smartphone. Aber auch komplett selbst kreierte Kurzvideos werden umgesetzt. Die meisten Videos sind ein paar Sekunden bis wenige Minuten lang. Bestimmte Clips lösen einen richtigen Hype aus, werden nachgeahmt oder im Sinne eines Trends oder einer Challenge weitergeführt.

Die Videos der TikTokerinnen und TikToker, deren Account öffentlich ist, lassen sich über einen Browser anschauen, ohne dass man bei der App angemeldet sein muss. Um selbst Videos zu erstellen, wird allerdings ein Account benötigt.

TikTok bringt immer mehr Funktionen heraus, z. B. sich im Duett mit anderen Usern filmen, die Clips anderer weiterführen (Stitch) oder Livestreams. Auch Unternehmen nutzen die Plattform, um darüber zu werben.

What excites children and young people about the offer?

Jugendliche nutzen TikTok gern zum Spaß und für den Austausch untereinander. Auf TikTok lassen sich die jungen Nutzenden unterhalten, suchen nach Vorbildern, an denen sie sich orientieren können, stellen sich selbst dar und erhoffen sich positive Rückmeldung von anderen.

TikTok ist außerdem eine tolle Plattform, um die eigene Kreativität auszuleben. Die Hürde, ein eigenes Video zu erstellen und zu teilen, ist niedrig: In der App gibt es viele Videoeffekte und eine Musikbibliothek mit beliebten Songs, die sofort verwendet werden können.

Kinder und Jugendliche schätzen an TikTok, dass es darin weniger um Perfektion und Professionalität geht, wie auf Instagram oder YouTube, sondern Kreativität und Spaß im Vordergrund stehen. Die Videos sind näher am Alltag und die TikTokerinnen und TikToker werden als nahbarer empfunden.

Was kann problematisch sein an TikTok?

There are a number of things you and your child should consider before using the app:

• Kinder (ab 13 Jahren) brauchen für die Anmeldung das Einverständnis der Eltern. Das Alter wird bei der Registrierung aber nicht überprüft. Auch viele jüngere Kinder nutzen deshalb TikTok.
• Vor allem Kinder und jüngere Jugendliche können auf TikTok wie auf anderen Social-Media-Angeboten auf Inhalte stoßen, die nicht altersgerecht und ggf. sogar problematisch sein können: Gefährliche Inhalte, Hate Speech, Desinformation und manipulative Inhalte zur politischen Meinungsmache wie Kriegs-Videos und Propaganda, Verschwörungsmythen und Fake-Videos und vieles mehr.
• Auch Kommunikationsrisiken von Cybermobbing bis zu Cybergrooming können auf TikTok Thema werden, vor allem wenn Ihr Kind selbst Videos auf TikTok teilt und die Jugendschutzeinstellungen für Minderjährige nicht genutzt werden.
• TikTok löscht Beiträge und Gruppen, wenn diese gegen die Community-Regeln verstoßen. Nicht alle Beiträge können aber immer sofort blockiert werden.
• Die Nutzenden haben keine Rechte an den Song- oder Filmausschnitten. Die erstellten Videos sollten deshalb nicht außerhalb der App geteilt werden, da sie sonst gegen die Bild- und Urheberrechte verstoßen. Sind andere Personen im Video zu sehen, müssen sie immer um Erlaubnis gefragt werden. TikTok erhält außerdem die Rechte an den veröffentlichten Videos.
• TikTok finanziert sich über Werbung. Die Anzeigen im Videoformat sind von den Kurzclips der Userinnen und User kaum zu unterscheiden.
• Auf TikTok geht es nicht nur um Unterhaltung, sondern manche verdienen mit der App Geld. Userinnen und User ab 18 Jahren können einander virtuelle Geschenke wie Emojis schicken, echtes Geld an Livestreamerinnen und Livestreamer senden und vieles mehr.
• Manche Challenges, die in sozialen Netzwerken kursieren, können gefährlich werden oder befördern problematische Verhaltensweisen wie etwa Essstörungen
• Einige Funktionen und Inhalte auf TikTok verzerren stark die Realität wie zum Beispiel der „Teenage-Filter“.DerAugmented-Reality-Filter macht aus jedem Gesicht ein perfekt geschminktes, junges „Idealbild“. Solche Clips vermitteln überzogene Schönheitsideale, regen zu ungesunden Vergleichen an und sind für junge Nutzende schwer durchschaubar.
• TikTok steht immer wieder wegen seines intransparenten Umgangs mit persönlichen Daten der Nutzenden in der Kritik. So wurde im Juni 2023 bekannt, dass TikTok entgegen eigener Behauptungen Daten von Nutzenden aus den USA und Europa in China speichert.

What does the provider say?

TikTok ist sich der Gefahr von verstörenden und unerwünschten Inhalten bewusst und passt seine Sicherheitseinstellungen immer wieder an. Folgende Sicherheitsfeatures stehen Jugendlichen und Ihnen als Eltern zur Verfügung:

• Der Begleitete Modus ermöglicht es Eltern, bestimmte Einstellungen für ein Familienmitglied vorzunehmen. Beispielsweise können Eltern angeben, wer ihrem Kind Nachrichten schicken und wie lange es Videos schauen darf. Eltern können den Inhaltsfilter nutzen und ihr Kind vor Inhalten schützen, die sie für ungeeignet halten.
• Konten von 13- bis 15-Jährigen werden automatisch auf “privat” gestellt. Die Videos dieser Nutzergruppe dürfen gar nicht oder höchstens von Freundinnen und Freunden kommentiert werden. Ihre Videos dürfen außerdem nicht heruntergeladen werden.
• 13- bis 17-Jährige werden vor bestimmten Inhalten geschützt, die eher für Erwachsene gedacht sind oder komplexere Themen behandeln.
• Es wurde das Mindestalter von 16 Jahren für das Versenden von Direktnachrichten festgelegt.
• Duette und Stitches sind mit den Videos von unter 16-Jährigen nicht möglich, ebenso wie Livestreams. Die Downloadfunktion ihrer Videos ist ausgeschaltet, kann aber aktiviert werden.

Generell lassen sich Accounts melden und/oder blockieren und es gibt einen Filter für beleidigende Kommentare.

In der App wird nach der Registrierung durch einen roten Punkt auf die Einstellungen verwiesen. Im Sicherheitszentrum der TikTok-Website können Eltern Tipps nachlesen.

Personen, die selbst TikToks erstellen und veröffentlichen, können seit einiger Zeit „Alle Kommentare filtern“ und einzeln freigeben. Wer die TikToks anderer kommentieren möchten, wird vorher gefragt, ob dieser Kommentar auch wirklich veröffentlicht werden soll. Außerdem gibt es einen Hinweis auf die Community-Richtlinien, die unangemessene Sprache und Hate Speech verbieten.

TikTok steht wegen seiner Moderationsregeln in der Kritik, denn offenbar wird durch den speziellen Algorithmus stark kontrolliert, welche Videos die Nutzenden sehen können. Auf diese Kritik hat TikTok reagiert. Nutzende haben mittlerweile mehr Optionen, Einfluss auf die vom TikTok-Algorithmus angezeigten Inhalte in ihrem Feed zu nehmen:

Sie können Videos nun mit „nicht interessiert“ markieren oder konkrete Inhalte mit bestimmten Hashtags oder Wörtern automatisch herausfiltern. Seit März 2023 stellt TikTok eine Neustart-Option für den Für-Dich-Feed zur Verfügung. Wer findet, dass die vorgeschlagenen Videos sich wiederholen oder nicht mehr zu den Interessen passen, kann den Feed zurücksetzen und nutzt die App wie nach der erstmaligen Anmeldung. Trotz dieser Maßnahmen bleibt der Für-Dich-Feed Algorithmus-gesteuert und bleibt somit nach wie vor in der Hand des Anbieters. So filtert TikTok zum Beispiel immer wieder Videos von Menschen mit Beeinträchtigungen heraus und je nach Nutzungs-Land kann es sein, dass die Videos der Zensur ihrer dortigen Regierungen unterliegen.

What should parents pay attention to?

Wenn Ihr Kind sich bei TikTok anmelden möchte, fragen Sie nach seiner Motivation. Sehen Sie sich vor dem Download gemeinsam die Nutzungsbedingungen an. Bei Handysektor finden Sie diese in einem kurzen Überblick. Um TikTok zu erkunden, ist es nicht notwendig, einen Account zu erstellen. Vielleicht ist das Surfen auf TikTok via Browser für den Anfang eine gute Option für Ihr Kind, um herauszufinden, ob ihm TikTok überhaupt gefällt.

Wenn es irgendwann einen Account geben soll, richten Sie diesen gemeinsam ein und probieren Sie zusammen die ersten Schritte aus. Geben Sie das richtige Geburtsjahr an. Für 13- bis 17-Jährige greifen gewisse Sicherheitsfeatures, die den Jugendschutz erhöhen. Eine Anleitung zu kindersicheren Einstellungen TikTok finden Sie auf medien-kindersicher.de.

Sprechen Sie mit Ihrem Kind über die möglichen Gefahren. Besonders wichtig ist, auf die Privatsphäre zu achten und in den Videos nicht zu viel von sich preiszugeben. Im privaten Modus ist mehr Kontrolle möglich. So ist die Kommunikation nur mit Freundinnen und Freunden möglich und Ihr Kind behält den Überblick darüber, wer die Videos sehen kann.

Versichern Sie Ihrem Kind, dass es sich jederzeit an Sie wenden kann, sollte es Beleidigungen erhalten oder belästigt werden. Zeigen Sie ihm außerdem, wie man unangemessene Inhalte blockieren und melden kann. Mehr Informationen dazu bietet der Leitfaden für Eltern von TikTok in Zusammenarbeit mit der FSM.

Um die eigene Privatsphäre und die von anderen besser zu schützen, muss bei einem Video nicht unbedingt immer das Gesicht zu sehen sein. Mit Hilfe von Emoji-Stickern oder anderen kreativen Lösungen ist das möglich.

Friendships in your child’s life are important and become closer over time. At some point, falling in love comes along and the first relationships are formed. We explain what the most popular apps and communication tools for young people involve for flirting and dating online.

Which apps are used for keeping in touch and flirting?

To keep in touch with their peers, many young people primarily use familiar platforms such as WhatsApp , Instagram or Snapchat . Outside of school and sports clubs, they are used to get to know each other better, to follow each other quite inconspicuously, or to feel closer to each other.

But dating apps are also gradually becoming interesting for young people – around the age of 15. However, there are only a few contact portals that are aimed at or suitable for young people, as it is mainly people from their late 20s who go looking for a partner here. Most communities also do not allow participation until the age of 18. Only a few flirting sites offer their services to younger teenagers: Yubo is aimed at young people aged 12 to 17. Although the service is not officially a dating app, it is also used for that purpose and works very similarly to Tinder. MyLOL is aimed at 13- to 19-year-olds and markets itself as a teen dating app, mind you without any age verification. The dating app Skout is now available for ages 17 and up.

Adult dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Lovoo and queer-friendly services like OKCupid are also exciting for young people because of their playful design: You are shown a picture of another person and decide whether you find them attractive by swiping left or right. Out of curiosity alone, young people are also on the platforms for adults, because there is no age control for these apps.

What can be problematic?

Especially when flirting over the Internet, you have to be careful because you can’t see your counterpart. You don’t know whether what a person writes about himself or herself is true and what interests he or she is pursuing. Anyone can register with a portal or social media platform – whether they are of age or not. When you make contact with strangers, there is a risk of theCybergrooming, i.e., initiating sexual relations with minors.

When adolescents begin to fall in love and (want to) have their first relationships, there is also the risk ofSextingandCyberbullying to Sextortion: Some young people are easily persuaded to send revealing pictures of themselves without realizing the consequences and dangers.The swipe function of some dating apps also supports superficial judgments of others based solely on their appearance. This increases the risk of Insults and Hate Speech.

What should parents pay attention to?

Inform yourself about communication risks on the Internet and educate your child in this regard. Even if your child knows the person they are chatting with, they should be careful about what they write and what photos they send of themselves. Even with offerings like Snapchat where the photos delete themselves automatically, but they can still be saved forever via screenshot. Talk to your child about the fact that content on the Internet can also be disseminated quickly and unintentionally. Encourage your child to listen to his or her gut and not be pushed into anything.

No matter what app your child uses for communication, make sure to instruct them on privacy settings. It’s best to go through these together and consider which settings make sense, such as a profile set to private on Instagram . Make sure to turn off the location function of the apps. This way you can avoid strangers (or unwanted) tracking your child.

Flirting and dating are important for your child. However, make your child aware not to meet complete strangers. And certainly not on their own. At least one phone call should have already taken place. If you are completely unsure, start the first call with a suppressed phone number.

When it comes to a meeting, an adult person should always know about it. This person can, for example, come to the meeting and stay in the background. The meeting place should always be a public place where there are many other people. In addition, the meeting should take place during the day when it is still light outside.

Stay in regular communication with your child about which portals and apps your child is using, what he or she is doing there, or with whom he or she is communicating. However, please continue to respect your child’s right to privacy. Don’t control it, but agree together on rules for dealing with it.

And if your child doesn’t want to talk to you about such things, he or she can get very good information on the subject at ins-netz-gehen.de or handysektor.de.

A bad event, such as the start of the war in Ukraine, usually dominates media coverage or street conversations for days. Children get to hear what adults are preoccupied with and are thus confronted with frightening, current events. It is hardly possible and makes little sense to keep children and young people completely away from the news. In this article, we explain how young people can be accompanied on the subject of news and what age-appropriate offers there are.

Introduce children to news

Many parents rightly wonder how to explain such events to children without frightening them. Adult news overwhelms children due to its complexity and the depictions of e.g. catastrophes, terror and violence. Especially pictures or videos are often still unsuitable for them, as they are difficult to classify and process. In times of fake news and many news sources that are difficult to assess, children and young people should be strengthened in their ability to understand, analyze and evaluate news in an age-appropriate way.

Child-friendly offers in video format

A variety of safe news services suitable for children are available for this purpose. They offer a wide range of topics and cover children’s interests. Your child will find news here conveyed in an age-appropriate way, in understandable language, with simple and clear sentences. In addition, dramatic and frightening images and videos are avoided. Sometimes children even become reporters themselves and report on events from their own perspective.

Examples of messages for children and young people on the Internet are

• logo! from ZDF – the news program for children is broadcast daily on KIKA
• kindersache.de from the German Children’s Fund – on the join-in page, current news texts are prepared in a way that is suitable for children, and the comments from the community are moderated.
• duda.news of the Kölner Stadtanzeiger – here the children’s editorial office of the newspaper writes

The children’s search engines blinde-kuh.de and fragfinn.de help to check news from different sites in a quick run. Here, articles from various child-friendly offers are displayed at a glance.

News podcasts

Podcasts have also long since arrived in the children’s room. In short audio files, children can get an overview of what is happening in the world right now. News in audio format comes entirely without frightening images, creating an inclusive opportunity for all children who cannot read or see.

Interesting examples of podcasts are:

• Daily Toggo from SUPER RTL – the news portal creates a positive view of events through understandable everyday comparisons. Recommended actions for parents will help navigate difficult issues.
• Nine and a half is the name of the children’s news from WDR’s Maus editorial team – the focus is always on a topic that has currently attracted attention.
• Children’s news from NDR Info – every Saturday news for children as podcast
• Podcast logo! – To go from ZDF – The logo! news programs from television to listen to

News for teenagers

Young people inform themselves less via linear television and more via social media platforms such as
YouTube
,
Instagram
and
TikTok
. Social networks and messengers are not only home to serious news offerings, but it is precisely there that young people are confronted with disinformation and opinion mongering, for example on extremist positions. The following formats from public broadcasters and other providers are recommended:

• funk from ARD and ZDF – The content network is active on various social media channels and targets teenagers and young adults aged 14 and over with a mix of information, orientation and entertainment.
• LeNews on YouTube – German web video producer LeFloid offers young people a mix of news and entertainment, marked by irony and satire.
• tagesschau by ARD – The Tagesschau short clips on YouTube are hosted by young people and depict daily events in just a few minutes.
• mitmischen.de – the website of the German Bundestag for young people is designed by young reporters directly from the Bundestag.
• nicetoknow from WDR – The news channel on TikTok prepares news for young people between 14 and 16 years. Five young hosts write their own texts, produce clips with professional support and answer comments from the community. The selection of topics takes place in cooperation with a 10th grade class.

Do not leave children and young people alone with news

The following also applies to messages suitable for children: Depending on the child’s individual stage of development, you should watch or listen to messages specifically for the respective age group together with your child. Younger children in particular absorb news unfiltered and have difficulty assessing the extent to which the content affects them and influences their lives. Especially with bad events it is important to classify them well. Take your child’s fears seriously, talk to him about them, and comfort him. This will help your child understand the message and process it well.

For young people, it is important to continuously strengthen their information literacy. Give your child access to youth-friendly news portals. Stay in touch about what is happening on a daily basis and also talk critically about sources. Educate your child about phenomena like fake news, conspiracy myths, and propaganda, and set a good example by getting news only from reputable sources.

Loud and angry resounds from the children’s room. At the same time, the child is all alone in front of the game console. Maybe it gets upset because something in the game doesn’t work. Or does it argue with fellow players? Then it is possibly so-called trashtalk.

What is behind Trashtalk?

Gaming uses its own language that non-gamers often don’t understand. Exaggeration and drama are of course part of it. Trashtalk is one aspect of this own language.

To be distinguished from trashtalk (in German “Müll reden”) are the terms beef and flaming, which are also about arguing, insults, puns and exaggerations: The saying “Willst du Beef?” means something like “Do you want stress?”, while the term flaming refers to a comment on the Internet that is provocatively directed at other players. Trashtalk refers to certain conversations in online games: bragging after a victory and putting down the opponent. Often this behavior is meant to be joking and to encourage conversation and friendly competition among the players.

Well-known “trashtalkers” think about what they want to say before the game and how they will emerge victorious in the verbal battles. Some gamers are admired for their trashtalk skills. Outside of computer games, trashtalk has been around for a while. In some sports, such insults are common and are part of the game – for example, wrestling. A special Trashtalk has also been based on this at Valorant , Fortnite or League of Legends developed.

Trashtalk in gaming takes place in the digital spaces where people communicate, play and stream – at Discord , TeamSpeak, Twitch , YouTube etc.

What’s problematic about trashtalk?

Many games are played together with others or against each other. In online games in particular, communication takes place via chat or the microphone. Some use this to insult and incite other game enders in the spirit of trashtalk. Trashtalk as fun can be entertaining and increase ambition between teams. For some young people, however, trashtalk is not fun, but offensive. Since the players do not sit directly opposite each other online, it is difficult to recognize when others feel hurt.

So-called “trolls” use trashtalk to specifically provoke certain game endings. A clear line is crossed in trashtalk when sexist, racist or discriminatory remarks are made. Players hide behind a username and avatar and hate and incite against others.

Kids and teens see with streamers and older gamers that it’s okay to take offense during the game. This can lead them to adopt this behavior in their play. It can go so far that trashtalk takes place outside of online games among friends or at school.

How can parents deal with this?

Certain terms and a harsh tone when gaming don’t have to be immediately unpleasant for your child. Therefore, ask questions and try to understand how communication works among gamers. If you notice that your child is being insulted in this way during play or is engaging in problematic trashtalk himself, talk to him about it. Make it clear that there are also limits to trashtalk and that there should be unwritten rules for dealing with each other both online and offline.

Show your child how to block, report, or mute game players (e.g., trolls) in chat. It is best to communicate only with friendly gamers during the game. You should agree in advance whether trashtalk is allowed and if so, up to what limit.

Surely you know WhatsApp the Facebook Messenger or Signal . But have you heard about TeamSpeak and Discord heard? If your child (or you yourself) enjoys playing computer games, you may have encountered the terms. These are programs that gamers use to communicate while playing – via chat or headset.

How do the tools work?

The English name TeamSpeak means “to speak in a group”. Mumble and Discord are also used for this purpose. To communicate with each other, each user connects to a server or creates one himself. Others can join these servers and organize themselves into channels. The players can then use these to talk (via Internet telephony or VoIP) and write (via chat) to each other. The software may be used in accordance with the European Data Protection Regulation (DSGVO) from 16 years, with parental consent from 13 years. The USK classification of the tools partly differs from the terms and conditions of the individual tools.

TeamSpeak in a nutshell:

• free browser version for PC/laptop
• paid app (currently: TeamSpeak 3 for about 1,- Euro)
• monthly fee for a TeamSpeak server, if applicable
• US supplier
• other functions: Whisper and nudge

Mumble in a nutshell:

• Good data protection through open source software
• free of charge for PC/laptop
• free app “Plumble” for Android and iOS
• Good voice quality
• requires own server (or rented server)

Discord in a nutshell:

• free of charge in the basic version
• Available in the browser, as software and app
• other functions: Video calls, sending files and emojis
• additional features in the premium version Nitro
• more info in our tool description

What fascinates young gamers about it?

Playing online games is particularly appealing to children and young people when it takes place together with friends or other players. They enjoy competing with others. Although gaming often takes place alone in front of a screen, for many gamers it is part of the experience to exchange ideas during the game. TeamSpeak, Mumble and Discord are good options for this. These communication tools also work when a game is being played on the side. Since TeamSpeak and Discord are very common, young gamers can meet their friends and make new acquaintances there. The possibility to create channels publicly or privately allows communication on different levels – for private exchange as well as for information.

What is there to consider in the offers?

If your child is a gamer and wants to use one of the programs, you should decide together which one is suitable. Do some research on the offers and their security settings. If possible, try the tool beforehand. Since some programs collect personal data, you should be aware of the current data protection regulations and privacy settings.

Talk to your child about the responsible use of such programs and what dangers are involved. Personal data should not be disclosed to strangers in the chat. It is also possible to come into contact with unknown people. Agree with your child that he or she can turn to you at any time if he or she comes into contact with unpleasant or frightening content. Among other things, people with right-wing extremist views also exchange information via such platforms. You should keep this danger in mind if your son or daughter wants to use the tools.

You may have heard about the concerns about WhatsApp and other messenger services. Signal wants to be a safe alternative and offers almost the same features.

In a nutshell:

• free and ad-free app for Android and iOS (as well as for desktop PC)
• Registration via cell phone number
• Chats, group chats, as well as encrypted voice calls and video telephony possible
• End-to-end encryption
• Age rating from 13 years
• from the non-profit Signal Foundation

What is signal?

Signal allows you and your children to chat with one contact or a whole group. You can send pictures, audio files, videos, text messages and emojis, make voice calls or video calls and publish stories.

Signal advertises itself as a secure messenger. Unlike other messenger services, group conversations are also end-to-end encrypted. Individual privacy settingsin the app can be used to turn read notifications and “disappearing messages” on or off, among other things. At regular intervals, users are prompted to enter their PIN to ensure secure use. Signal requests access to the address book so that other users can be added as Signal contacts. However, contacts can also be entered manually without accessing the smartphone’s address book. Since Messenger is open source, anyone can view the encryption procedures. Many experts have already reviewed them.

What particularly fascinates young people about the offer?

More and more young people are aware that WhatsApp and the Messenger from Facebook offer little data security and are looking for alternatives. Signal is sometimes used as an additional messenger alongside the more frequently used apps.

What is problematic about the offer?

Some dangers do not relate to the use of a specific messenger, but are related to communication via messenger in general: Cyberbullying and sexting cannot be ruled out via Signal either. However, Signal offers increased security for private data.

What does the provider think?

According to the provider, contact data is anonymized by Signal, matched on Signal servers and then deleted again.

According to the provider, the minimum age for use is 13. The USK gives a recommendation from 0 years, but the app stores also state a minimum age of 12 years.

What should parents pay attention to?

As with other messenger services, the main thing you should do as parents is to raise awareness about responsible use. Draw attention to the potential dangers of communicating via messenger services and address the advantages of Signal and other, secure messengers (e. g. B. also Threema). When you use the app for family sharing, you send an important message. It is helpful to exchange ideas with other parents and decide together whether Signal should be used by the children and young people.

It is not uncommon for the use of cell phones, tablets and the like to lead to arguments in the family. Surely you are familiar with the discussions about how long the child is allowed to play on the tablet. Many parents worry that it’s unhealthy for their child to spend too much time with digital media. But at what point is way too much and constant media use already addiction?

Why do children and young people often spend so much time on the Internet?

Apart from the fun factor, there are some psychological aspects that make it hard for us to put the tablet or game console aside again. For example, many computer games, whether played on a smartphone or a console, do not have a set ending. The things we do in everyday life usually have a beginning and an end and we turn to something else after that. That’s not usually the case with games. Your child could theoretically play endlessly from level to level. Each level becomes more challenging and your child gets the ambition to pass the next level as well.

It’s a similar story with messenger services and social networks. About WhatsApp, Instagram, etc., we are always reachable and can communicate with others quickly and easily at any time. Social networks are specially designed to keep us on the platform for a long time by always displaying (new) information through scrolling. This can also influence the mood of the users. And when your son or daughter posts a picture on Instagram and gets likes and positive comments on it, it acts like a social reward. It activates the same areas in the brain as eating candy or taking drugs.

What should parents pay attention to?

Let me say right away: There is no such thing as an “Internet addiction”! But certain things and activities on the Internet can be addictive. However, to speak of addiction is often not correct at all, because there is more to it than spending a lot of time with one thing. If you want to know more about it, read this post by Quarks.

As a parent, you should be aware that excessive use of certain media is not uncommon among children and young people at times – for example, in times of a pandemic or during puberty. However, if your child’s behavior with certain media seems conspicuous over a longer period of time and causes you concern, you should observe your child closely and take action if necessary.

The most important tip for dealing with media is: Talk to your child about what media he or she uses and why. Show interest and stay in the conversation about what your child’s current favorite game is, what videos they like to watch, what platforms they’re on, and what’s so great about them. Sharing can prevent problematic behavior. Explain to your child what platforms like Instagram work to keep users with them as long as possible.

If your child’s media use seems uncontrolled and too much, and your son prefers to sit in front of the screen instead of meeting friends, you should agree on fixed media times together. Extreme mood swings before, during and after using certain media or neglecting school and friends are also indicative of problematic use. It may also mean that your child is not yet ready to use media completely independently. Which is not to say that media should be off-limits. Guide your child in their use and agree on rules about when they can use what media.

If you are at a loss and your child’s problematic behavior continues, you and your child also have the option of visiting addiction counseling centers at any time.

You should also monitor and investigate whether there may be other reasons behind constant media use. For example, your child may want to distract himself from other problems by playing computer games. Seek discussion with your child and get outside help if necessary!

The German Children’s Fund’s Children’s Report 2021 also deals with media addiction and how children, young people and adults perceive excessive media use.

Talking to others, talking on the phone with friends and family, writing or looking and smiling at each other – communication is a basic human need! Young people prefer to exchange information via apps and social networks on their smartphones. They share experiences and experiences and process them in this way. They learn to resolve conflicts without parental support, to form their own opinions and to defend them. Friendships are cultivated by being in constant contact with each other.

Communication via messenger

Messenger apps are the most popular for communication. Most often used WhatsApp but also alternatives such as the Facebook Messenger, Telegram, Signal or Threema have many installed.

Communication via smartphones is a matter of course for young people and takes up a large part of their everyday lives. The smartphone is always at hand and represents a kind of social meeting place. Both in one-on-one chats and in group chats, opinions, pictures, and videos are exchanged, arguments are had, and jokes are made.

Being connected to friends via messenger creates a sense of belonging for young people.communicating via it seems private. However, the groups are often so large that there is no longer any question of privacy. The more anonymous group chats become, the greater the risk that they will be misused to spread false news and manipulate opinions. Another danger is that photos can be stored and sent unnoticed on other people’s devices. As convenient as messengers are, they also harbor risks – especially because young people send a lot of messages every day. It can cause stress if your child feels like they have to respond to messages immediately or is afraid they’ll miss something if they don’t look at their phone.

However, young people do not always act socially when they communicate with each other in messenger groups. Since you do not see the reaction of your counterpart directly and you want to impress others, insults are not uncommon. Under certain circumstances, this can lead to cyberbullying.

Communication via Instagram & Co.

Also via social media apps like Instagram, Snapchat or TikTok is communicated. Often, this type of sharing is limited to pictures and videos and liking or commenting. This communication is especially important when it comes to self-expression and recognition. Selfies are sent and you expect a positive reaction from your followers, who are mostly friends and acquaintances. However, stress or insults may occur here as well.

It is also common among gamers to exchange information while gaming – for example, via channels such as Discord and Teamspeak.

It is precisely via platforms that strangers can also write to young people in order to make closer contact with them. This can be harmless, but criminal, e.g. pedophilic intentions, can also be behind it.

What you should pay attention to as a parent

As convenient as communication via the Internet is, potential risks should be known. Ask your child what channels they use and who they chat with. However, be mindful of his or her privacy and give your child the space he or she needs. Agree on security rules, e.g. which pictures and videos may be sent via which route. Advise your child to post certain photos only on private channels or groups. Be responsive to uncertainties and problems.

If you are concerned about the security of your child’s data, just compare the terms of individual messengers. What happens to the data there? Is the communication encrypted? Which messengers are considered secure? In the terms of use of many of these apps, an age of 13 or even 16 is required to sign up. If your child is under the age of majority, you must consent to its use. Perhaps discuss with other parents and consider working together to find a privacy-friendly alternative to WhatsApp can be installed.

With younger children, you can go through the Messenger settings together. Disabling read receipts takes the pressure off, so your son or daughter doesn’t have to feel like they have to respond to a message right away. Pay attention to who your child can chat with and show them the function to block contacts.

You can agree on rules for communicating with your child, setting a good standard for your child’s exchanges with friends.

As parents, you have a special responsibility for your child’s media education. But you are not alone in this. The exchange with other parents can be an important support. But you don’t always have time for an in-depth conversation on the spur of the moment. Therefore, there are concrete offers and formats to exchange with other parents on parenting topics and to inform oneself. We would like to present some of them to you here.

The parents talk

The idea is simple: parents of children up to the age of 14 are invited to a host or hostess’s home and exchange ideas in a small group for about two hours on set topics. The moderation is done by dedicated parents. In addition to topics such as nutrition or stress, they often deal with children’s media use, rules of use or new trends. There are no expert lectures, but only the exchange among each other. The idea is that parents already bring a lot of knowledge with them and can share it in Parent Talk. This format exists in Bavaria, Lower Saxony and North Rhine-Westphalia. You can check the linked websites to see if a parent talk session is organized in your area. Often the active parents cooperate with authorities or social workers, so you can also find there.

Media educational parent evenings

Media education evenings for parents are held regularly at many schools and other educational institutions. These often include an overview of cell phones and the Internet or topics such as cyberbullying and hate speech, child-safe media use, or how to learn and create content with media. As a rule, a media education specialist is on site to introduce you to the topic and answer your questions. You will also find out where you can get further information and ideas on media education. It is best to ask your child’s school if such a parents’ evening can be organized.

Find offers and contacts

You would like to become active yourself and request or organize an offer for parents? The distribution and accessibility of media education professionals in Germany varies widely. Especially in rural areas, it is sometimes difficult to contact suitable people. Each federal state organizes this area of responsibility differently. It is best to contact your child’s daycare or school first. There are usually social workers, and sometimes teachers, who deal with media education issues. Ask specifically. Often, media educators from the surrounding area are already known and can help.

Become active yourself

Throughout Germany, there are media education initiatives, media centers and freelance players offering seminars, workshops and lectures for parents. Also search the Internet for suitable contacts or offers in your area.
Such parents’ evenings are also increasingly offered online – among others by Elternguide. Recordings of these online parents’ evenings are available, for example, from klicksafe and the Internet-ABC. Elterntalk NRW tried out the podcast format. Two media educators regularly talk about topics related to media literacy in their podcast Medially.

Who is allowed to do what with media and for how long? These issues come up in every family sooner or later and not infrequently cause stress and arguments. Rules on media use can help create a structure and avoid conflicts. These can be discussed by parents and children together and recorded in a contract. The online tool for a media usage contract presented here — an offer by klicksafe and the Internet-ABC — is suitable for this purpose.

In a nutshell:

• Free online tool, accessible via: www.mediennutzungsvertrag.de
• Contract can be customized and personalized
• Selection from many rule proposals
• Own rules can be integrated
• Creative backgrounds
• Print directly

How does the creation of the contract work?

The tool guides you step by step to the finished paper. You can choose from two age groups (6-12 years and 12+) and choose a title design, a mascot and a background. All the rules you select are automatically inserted like building blocks, so it’s easy to keep track of them all. Each module can be edited individually. Of course, you can also insert your own rules. At the end save the document, then it can be completed at another time. You can also create multiple contracts for different children.

Tips and backgrounds

Use the building blocks as a suggestion to start a conversation in your family about media use. Some possible rules you may not have thought about, others are already self-evident. Set priorities, because the tool offers very many ideas that do not all have to be implemented. There are several types of rules:

• General rules (such as dealing with conflicts, questionable content, handling of devices)
• Time regulation (determination of time quotas)
• Cell phone (how to deal with apps and data, mobile-free places, dealing with costs).
• Internet (such as security settings, use of websites).
• Television (such as age-appropriate offerings, sharing).
• Games (like common games, fairness)

A contract is nothing more than written down rules that have been agreed upon. The advantage is that you can always look at it and remember it.

A special feature is that rules can also be set for parents. For example, parents can commit to not using the cell phone even at dinner, or to using adult media content only when children are not present. Because rules are easier for children to understand if everyone has to follow them and you set a good example.

“Just one more round!” or “Leon gets to watch TV much longer!” Almost all parents know this. What media is okay for my child? How much media time is not harmful? At what age does it make sense to have your own smartphone? For such issues, fixed rules can be a great help for parents and children. But they also lead to conflicts in families time and again. We have compiled some tips and background information for you.

Rules must make sense

Rules are not simply there for adults to determine things; they bring structure to family life. Media usage rules can be used to promote children’s media literacy. As parents, you have a special responsibility to keep an eye on fun and benefits associated with media, but also on risks and dangers. For quite some time, you will be able to assess both better than your child. It is important that your child understands the rules. Therefore, you should be able to justify for yourself and also to your child why certain rules apply and why it is important to follow them. If rules are not clearly stated or are interpreted differently, your child will have a hard time following them. However, this also means that certain rules apply to you as parents and that you act as a role model.

Rules can look different

Which rules make sense depends on the age of your child and on how you and your child generally deal with media. It’s not the same in every family.

The younger your child is, the more you should keep an eye on his or her media use. Young children need close supervision and should not spend too much time with media. As parents, decide on age-appropriate content, length of use, and appropriate devices. From elementary school age, your child gets many new impressions and influences. It still needs a lot of orientation, so clear rules are very important. You can now better talk to your child about content and let him or her have a say. From secondary school and adolescence at the latest, you should then trust your child to be more independent and increasingly relinquish control. Young people usually approach digital media openly, but they often cannot yet properly assess security risks. That is why you are still important as an orientation and contact person!

Shaping rules together

Depending on the age of your child, agree on rules for media use together – for example, by means of a media usage contract. Then your child can better understand and comply with them. Write down rules and place them visibly. Exceptions can also be formulated. Regularly check whether the rules still make sense or can and must be changed. Also, set rules that apply to everyone, such as not taking out the smartphone during a conversation.

Time with and without media

A big point of contention is the question of how much time with media is good. In addition to age, this also depends on your child and his or her individual approach to media. Does it quickly get lost in series or computer games or can it put the tablet aside at the end of an episode without any problems? The rule of thumb is: the younger, the less! Media vouchers are a way for children of elementary school age and older to set a weekly budget for a media device, for example. Sometimes this is easier and your child can manage their own time.
It is important that your child has a varied daily routine, uses media in different ways, but also has media-free experiences.

Media content selection and access to devices

Do you have the entire media ensemble in view? Radio plays and books are also part of media consumption and may appear in the rulebook.

Take into account that the content of media use varies greatly, as do the motives and needs of use. A game for mere diversion or entertainment may be weighted differently than learning with media. Make qualitative distinctions together with your child. Be sure to include age-appropriate content as well.

The question of the right age for the first smartphone occupies many parents. Perhaps consult with parents of your child’s friends and consider whether certain rules can apply to everyone.

Security settings for devices and apps

When it comes to getting your own phone for the first time or using mom’s tablet, setting options can also restrict access to various content and apps. However, these should be discussed together. Such settings or certain apps can help enforce rules. But these tools are no substitute for guidance from you as parents. Explanations from you and conversations about media make a significant contribution to your child learning to use media competently.

Rules may vary depending on the child’s age and stage of development. On the one hand, stay consistent, otherwise they will not serve their purpose. At the same time, if possible, do not use the rules as a punishment or reward.

Especially in times when children and teenagers are at home a lot and can’t meet up with each other as usual, they like to use video telephony tools to stay in touch with friends. There is a huge range of different providers.

Established providers

Advantages: well-known, stable – Disadvantages: poor data protection

Some of the very well-known and popular tools are services of large American companies, such as Skype from Microsoft. With them, data protection is less strict because they are not bound by the European General Data Protection Regulation. Nevertheless, these tools are particularly stable and there are few problems when using them, because most people already know them.

The best known is probably Skype which has been around for almost 20 years and can be used free of charge. Costs are only incurred when calling landline and cell phone numbers. To start a conversation, you have to register. If you only want to participate, it is sufficient to click on the invitation link sent to you.

A newer, but very common service is Zoom which has come under heavy criticism due to security vulnerabilities. However, Zoom has improved encryption for calls, among other things. With Zoom, you can make free video calls for up to 40 minutes. The tool rarely causes problems, even if you use it with larger groups. Just like Skype, only those who start a meeting need to be registered.

Also via the popular messenger service WhatsApp you can video chat in groups of up to eight people. These established tools are easy to use, but there are many concerns about the providers’ handling of personal data.

Open Source Solutions

Advantages: compliant with data protection, simple operation – Disadvantages: unstable with larger groups

If you want to use tools that offer more data protection, you can turn to so-called open source products. Open source means that different people develop these services together and theoretically everyone can see how they are programmed. This makes it easy to understand how the tool handles data protection. Tools like Jitsi Meet do not store user data, according to experts. Besides, they are easy to use: You don’t need an account when you start a conversation, nor when you just want to participate. A disadvantage of these tools is that sometimes there are problems when too many use it at the same time. Jitsi Meet is even easier to use than Skype and Zoom. Alternatives to Jitsi Meet include Palava or Jami.

Popular with teenagers

Advantage: young users – Disadvantages: poor data protection, complicated operation

Tools like Houseparty and Discord are popular among young people. Here they are among themselves and can hang out together without adults disturbing them. The services are made for young people. However, these tools are also mostly in the hands of large American companies and in the rarest cases are data protection compliant. In addition, it is usually difficult for adults to become familiar with its use. They are often not as intuitive to use as the established services or the open source tools.

Houseparty offers besides the video chat also the possibility to play with each other. But even here there are risks that must be taken into account during use. In particular, one’s own privacy must be reflected and secured with certain functions. Discord is particularly popular among young gamers. But here, too, young people can come into contact with inappropriate content and are exposed to other communication risks, such as cybergrooming.

What you should pay attention to as a parent

No matter what video calling tool is used, it is important to discuss with your child what risks are associated with its use. Children and young people need to know that they should not reveal everything about themselves in online conversations. You can never be sure who is tapping personal data or otherwise watching.

Open source tools are particularly recommended because they are not only easy to use, but also take data protection into account. At the same time, however, your child’s living environment should also play a role. Perhaps you can discuss with other children’s parents or friends which tools everyone can use.